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Most Popular Jokes

What a barman!
When I asked for something tall, cold and full of gin, he called his wife out.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again but fell face first into the mud.
"Sсrеw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.
"How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

It’s night and a drunк is crawling along the pavement looking for something.
A passer-by offers to help and asks what’s missing.
The drunк replies that he’s lost his watch.
‘And where abouts did you lose it?’ asks the passer-by.
‘About half a mile up the road,’ replies the drunк.
‘So why are you doing down here?’ asks the passer-by.
The drunк replies, ‘Down here the lighting is better.’

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

He doesn’t like to drink.
It’s just something to do while he gets drunк.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A dazzling woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
Are you the manager? she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, No”, he replies.
Can you get him for me I need to speak to him.
She is running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
I’m afraid that I can’t, breathes the barman, clearly aroused.
Is there anything I can do?
“Yes, there is”.
I need you to give him a message, she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suск them gently.
“Tell him that there is no Toilet Paper in the ladies room.”

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Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors' help group.
When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple.
The group looked at it and started laughing.
The inventor said,
"You don't understand! Taste it."
A volunteer tried it and said,
"Mmmmmmm, tastes like peaches."
The inventor said,
"Flip it over."
He flipped it over and took another chunk of the apple. "Mmmmmmmm, tastes like grapes."
The inventor offered a new apple and the volunteer said,
"What does it taste like?"
"Рussy," said the inventor.
The guy bit into it, and spit it out with an awful look on his face and shouted, "That tasted like аss!"
The inventor winked and said,
"Flip it over."

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

Mama Bear and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand.
The judge says,
"Do you want to live with Papa Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear replies.
"He beats me."
The judge then asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear replies.
"She beats me too."
So the judge says,
"So who do you want to live with?"
Baby Bear replies,
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody."

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Sports Jokes

What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.

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Gross Jokes

What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater?
A plain clothes police dog!

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Police Officer Jokes

What’s sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.

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Gross Jokes

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

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Sports Jokes

One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied.
'I lost it down the road.'
'Why don't you look for it there?'
'Because the light's better here!'

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Money jokes

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

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Money jokes

The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

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Money jokes

Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent?

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Patient:
"How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?"
Doctor:
"Fifty rupees."
Patient:
"Fifty ruppes, for only a few second’s work?"
Doctor:
"Well, I will do it very slowly."
Patient:
"How much is for the operation?"
Doctor:
"Rupees on thousand."
Patient:
"But it was a serious one."
Doctor:
"Nonsense. You can’t buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand now-a days."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

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Sports Jokes

There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

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Sports Jokes Friendship Jokes

What looks like half a cat?
The other half.

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Animal Jokes

Most men regard blondes as a golden opportunity.

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes