Most popular jokes

Did you know that lots of lawyers put copies of their JD degrees on their dashboards?That way they get to park in the spots reserved for the handicapped.

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After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?How can there be self-help groups?If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?If someone with multiple personalities threatens to кill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?Is there another word for synonym?Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?When sign-makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?Why isn't there a mouse-flavored cat food?Or cat-flavored dog food?Why do they report power outages on TV?Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who was sniffing nutrasweet?She thought it was diet coke. Submitted by CurtisEdited by Yisman

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

At a party of professionals, a Doctor was having difficulty socializing. Everyone wanted to describe their symptoms, and get an opinion about diagnosis. The Doctor turned to a Lawyer acquaintance, and asked,
"How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?"
"Simple," answered the Lawyer, "I send them a bill. That stops it."
The next day, the Doctor, still feeling a bit reserved about what he had just finished doing, opened his mailbox to send the bills; there sat a bill from the Lawyer.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

“The author's lawyer defended her rights in the book case.”

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
Market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiот who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
Equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought
Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Lawyer Jokes

Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.
'Hows business?' asked the first.
'Rotten,' replied the other. 'Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyers hanging on to the bumper.'

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Lawyer Jokes

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass". The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can"t afford a thing to eat." So the layer said,
"Poor guy, come back to my house." The guys then said,
"But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along. When they were all in the car, the poor man said,
"Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you." The layer said,
"You"re going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."

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Lawyer Jokes

One evening a blonde went to seafood restaurant for dinner. When she saw the tank where they kept the lobsters she asked a waiter, "Why are those creatures in that tank?"
"They are the lobsters we serve our customers!" answered the waiter.
"You mean you're going to кill them," said the blonde.
"Absolutely," said the waiter.
The blonde was so upset that she immediately left, drove to a nearby convenience store, purchased some hefty bags
And returned to the restaurant to accomplish her covert mission.
Taking pity on the poor creatures, she waited until the moment was right, and snatched all of the lobsters from the tank, threw them in the bag, and hightailed it out of the restaurant.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

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Blonde Jokes

Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To keep from bruising their ears.
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

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Blonde Jokes

What's the good part of there being no blacks on the Jetsons?
It means the future will be great!

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Dark Humor Jokes

A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest.
The horse says,
"I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!"
" The bee says,
"I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!"
The old geezer says...
(We're waiting...)

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
Two.
One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the вlоw dryer!

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Blonde Jokes

Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A. Divorcee'

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Divorce Jokes BMW jokes

For breakfast Chuck Norris enjoys toast and jellyfish.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris can't have children, because his diск wouldn't fit.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes

How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people?
You say:
“My boss is a stupidest аsshоlе!”

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Life Jokes

An old man asks a blond:
If a guy would try to rаре you, will you scream for help?
If he can’t manage me by himself off course!

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes

I got really love sick the other day working away from home.
Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

My girlfriend used to give amazing вlоw jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.

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Sex Jokes

Most Popular Jokes