Most Popular Jokes

How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
Knead for Speed.
Why is Santa good at karate?
He has a black belt.
Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
Beast Buy.
What did the snowflake say to the road?
Let’s stick together.
Why did the turkey join a band?
So he could use his drumsticks.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
Figure skating.
Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
Beast Buy.
What did the snowflake say to the road?
Let’s stick together.
Why did the turkey join a band?
So he could use his drumsticks.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
Figure skating.
What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
The glitterbug.
Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
Because they always make-up
Via GIPHY
Where do roses sleep at night?
In their flowerbed
Why was the show bad at gymnastics?
She was a flip-flop
What should you wear to a tea party?
A t-shirt
What’s rain’s favorite accessory?
A rainbow
Where does a sink go dancing?
The Dish-co
What’s a princess’s favorite time?
Knight time.
Why did the Genie get mad?
Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?
A bun.
What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
Hip hop.
What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
Shop ‘til they hop.
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How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
She nailed it.
What is corn’s favorite music?
Pop.
Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?
It’s a weak day.
Why was the politician out of breath?
He was running for office.
What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?
Goooooooooooold!
Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
Pennsylvania.
Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
Inside.
Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
He forgot his lawsuit.
Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
He crashed the computer
Via GIPHY
What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
An eyeball.
What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
Shells.
What time of year do people get injured the most?
In the fall.
Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
Because he knew he would pass.
Why did the musician throw away her table?
Because it was flat.
Why didn’t the farmer’s son study medicine?
Because he wanted to go into a different field?
What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Pi
Why was the princess in the emergency r
Animal Jokes
Three guy are in the woods, a a really smart guy, an average, and a really dumb guy, they bored so the smart guy decides to go hunting a little while later he comes back with a dear, the average guy asks how do did you do that? The really smart guy says says I see dear tracks I fallow dear tracks, I see dear I shoot dear. The average guy say I think I understand and leaves, an little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb goes gasp how did you do that!?. And the average looks at him funny and says well I see raccoon tracks I fallow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon I shoot raccoon. The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says Oooohh, ok I thiNo I can do that… and leaves. Hours pass and and the guy finally returns, hurt, вlооdy, and horribly mingled. They run to help him. Finally one of the guys ask him what happened this is what he said: I see train tracks, I fallow train tracks. I see train I shoot train. But train keep coming.
Jokes
A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her.
Man: Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will You be my girlfriend?
Girl: No, because you have a gun and a sword.
Man: But I am already in love with you.
And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy.
The girl is glad that the has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again.
Man: Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl.
And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender.
Man: And here is some candy.
And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too.
One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him."
Girl: I hate you, ugly man!
Man: Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl?
The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don’t serve-"
And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun, and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can’t believe what he just saw. So he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender.
999 Service Guy: 999, what’s your emergency?
Old man: I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword I his bag.
999 Service Guy: Okay, no worries.
1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face.
Guy sitting at a table in the bar: That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him.
And the police show up.
First Policeman: Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag?
The girl points to the man and says "This man."
Second Policeman: Let’s arrest him.
Man: No, wait! I can explain.
Third Policeman: Get in the back of the car.
When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years."
One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison.
The police see him and run after him.
Third Policeman: Come back here!
The man doesn’t listen, and he keeps running. So the police shoot him and he dies.
And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.
Old People Jokes