Christmas Jokes

Mother:
"Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl:
"I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
He came fifth and received a toaster.

little Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, “I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas.” And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, “T-O-Y-S.” The little boy answers, “No, I have enough toys.” Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, “C-A-N-D-Y.” Again, Johnny says, “No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well, what would you like for Christmas?” Santa asks. Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, “P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!”

Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Are you a candle?
Because I want to blow you.

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John. "I did. You're back at work on Monday.

To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.

Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"

A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says:
"Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."
Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."

How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.