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Holiday Jokes

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Много жени няма да получат подаръците си навреме. А може би и някои „мъже“… Многу жени нема да ги добијат своите подароци навреме. А можеби и некои „мажи“… Muchas mujeres no recibirán sus regalos a tiempo. Y quizá también algunos “hombres”… Многие женщины не получат свои подарки вовремя. А может, и некоторые «мужчины»… Viele Frauen werden ihre Geschenke niсhт rechtzeitig bekommen. Und vielleicht auch einige „Männer“… Beaucoup de femmes ne recevront pas leurs cadeaux à temps. Et peut-être aussi certains « hommes »… Πολλές γυναίκες δεν θα πάρουν τα δώρα τους εγκαίρως. Και ίσως και κάποιοι «άντρες»… Molte donne non riceveranno i loro regali in tempo. E forse anche alcuni “uomini”… Birçok kadın hediyelerini zamanında alamayacak. Belki bazı “erkekler” de… Багато жінок не отримають свої подарунки вчасно. А можливо, і деякі «чоловіки»… Muitas mulheres não vão receber os seus presentes a tempo. E talvez também alguns “homens”… Wiele kobiet nie dostanie swoich prezentów na czas. A może także niektórzy „mężczyźni”… Många kvinnor kommer inte att få sina presenter i tid. Och kanske även några ”män”… Veel vrouwen zullen hun cadeaus niet op tijd krijgen. En misschien ook sommige “mannen”… Mange kvinder vil ikke få deres gaver til tiden. Og måske også nogle “mænd”… Mange kvinner vil ikke få gavene sine i tide. Og kanskje også noen «menn»… Monet naiset eivät saa lahjojaan ajoissa. Ja ehkä myös jotkut ”miehet”… Sok nő nem fogja megkapni az ajándékait időben. És talán néhány „férfi” sem… Multe femei nu își vor primi cadourile la timp. Și poate și unii „bărbați”… Mnoho žen nedostane své dárky včas. A možná i někteří „muži“… Daugelis moterų negaus savo dovanų laiku. O gal ir kai kurie „vyrai“… Daudzas sievietes nesaņems savas dāvanas laikā. Un varbūt arī daži “vīrieši”… Mnoge žene neće dobiti svoje poklone na vrijeme. A možda i neki „muškarci“…
Many women won’t get their gifts on time. And maybe some “men” too…
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Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
Когато си дал ясно да се разбере на доведения си баща, че това не е бил желаният подарък!! Кога јасно си му ставил до знаење на твојот очув дека тоа не бил посакуваниот подарок!! Cuando dejaste muy claro a tu padrastro que ese no era el regalo que querías!! Когда ты ясно дал понять своему отчиму, что это был не тот подарок, который ты хотел!! Wenn du deinem Stiefvater unmissverständlich klargemacht hast, dass das niсhт das gewünschte Geschenk war!! Quand tu as bien fait comprendre à ton beau-père que ce n’était pas le cadeau souhaité !! Όταν έκανες απολύτως σαφές στον πατριό σου ότι αυτό δεν ήταν το δώρο που ήθελες!! Quando hai fatto capire molto chiaramente al tuo patrigno che non era il regalo che volevi!! Üvey babana bunun istediğin hediye olmadığını iyice belli ettiğinde!! Коли ти чітко дав зрозуміти своєму вітчиму, що це був не той подарунок, який ти хотів!! Quando deixaste bem claro ao teu padrasto que não era o presente que querias!! Kiedy jasno dałeś do zrozumienia swojemu ojczymowi, że to nie był prezent, którego chciałeś!! När du gjorde det väldigt tydligt för din styvfar att det inte var presenten du ville ha!! Als je je stiefvader duidelijk hebt laten weten dat dit niet het cadeau was dat je wilde!! Når du har gjort det helt klart for din stedfar, at det ikke var den gave, du ønskede dig!! Når du har gjort det krystallklart for stefaren din at dette ikke var gaven du ønsket deg!! Kun olet tehnyt täysin selväksi isäpuolellesi, ettei se ollut lahja, jota halusit!! Amikor teljesen világossá tetted a mostohaapád számára, hogy ez nem az az ajándék volt, amit szerettél volna!! Când i-ai făcut foarte clar tatălui tău vitreg că acesta nu era cadoul dorit!! Když jsi dal svému nevlastnímu otci jasně najevo, že to nebyl dárek, který jsi chtěl!! Kai aiškiai davei suprasti savo patėviui, kad tai nebuvo norima dovana!! Kad tu savam patēvam skaidri pateici, ka tā nebija dāvana, ko vēlējies!! Kad si jasno dao do znanja svom očuhu da to nije bio poklon koji si želio!!
When you made it very clear to your stepfather that this wasn’t the gift you wanted!!
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Kids Jokes Holiday Jokes
Une fois, j'ai appelé la police à ma propre fête parce que je voulais aller me coucher Вчера се обадих на полицията на моето собствено парти, защото много исках да си легна вече
I once called the police on my own party because i wanted to go to bed
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Holiday Jokes Police Officer Jokes
Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of Thanksgiving?
A. The stuffing.
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Thanksgiving Jokes One-Liner Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos.
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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes Sports Jokes What's The Difference Jokes
Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!
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Food Jokes Holiday Jokes Waiter Jokes Restaurant Jokes
Q: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
A: Because they are suckers.
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Holiday Jokes Vampire jokes
Q: If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!
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One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders?
A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
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Holiday Jokes
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!
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Holiday Jokes Kids Jokes
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes Vampire jokes
Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: To know which witch is which!
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Holiday Jokes
Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.
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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes Vampire jokes
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
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Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. Three men are killed in an auto accident on Christmas Eve and ascend to heaven, where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in,” he tells them, “you must each produce something... Three men had been at a wild office party and died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They soon found themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. But before they could pass, Saint... Three men wait at the gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. They're told they have to present a Christmas gift to get in. The first man checks his pockets and finds pine needles from his family's tree....
Three men all die on Christmas Day and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who should go to hеll, but because it's Christmas, he'll let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of раnтiеs. "How do those represent Christmas?" asks Peter. "These are Carol's."
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Men jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
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Holiday Jokes Animal Jokes
What's a turkey's favorite song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
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Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
What did the skeleton tell the doctor in the club? I need some body to dance!
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Holiday Jokes
Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal? He heard it had great circulation...
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Holiday Jokes Vampire jokes
How did the ghost go on vacation?
By scareplane!
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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes
Why are women’s вrеаsтs like a train set a kid gets at Christmastime? Because they were originally made for children but fathers want to play with them.
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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Holiday Jokes
Трима вампири сядат в кафене. Βρυκόλακες Το τσάι Trois vampires se retrouvent à un bar. Le premier commande un verre de sang chaud. Le deuxième commande un verre de sang froid. Le troisième commande un verre d'eau chaude. Les deux autres le regardent tout étonnés. Dracula entre dans un bar de vampires et demande au serveur : C'est trois vampires qui sont dans un bar. Le premier vampire commande un verre de sang chaud.Le deuxième commande un verre de sang froid. Le troisième commande un verre d'eau chaude! Les deux autres le regardent et lui pose la question : - Pourquoi un verre d'eau chaude ? Le troisième répond -... Един ден двама вампири влезли в бар. Първият казал: - Чаша топла кръв, ако обичате. - Веднага - отвърнал барманът. - А вие? - Чаша гореща вода - обадил се вторият вампир. След няколко минути барманът се върнал с чаша топла кръв и гореща вода и казал: - Вие сте вампири, нали? Щом пиете кръв...... Een Nederlandse, een Belgische en een Duitse vampier zitten in een vampierenbar. "Ober!" roept de Nederlandse vampier, "één glas vers bloed alstublieft." En hij krijgt het. "Ober!" roept de... Eine Vampirdame setzt sich an eine Bar und sagt zu dem Barkeeper: "Ich hätte gerne eine Tasse mit heißem Wasser." Der Barkeeper fragt erstaunt: "Wieso wollen sie denn Wasser? Sie sollten lieber... Drei Vampire treffen sich in einer Bar. Einer kommt aus Deutschland, einer aus Russland und einer aus England. Der Deutsche bestellt sich ein Bier mit ’nem Schuss Blut und der Russe einen Wodka mit... Ein Vampir geht in eine Bar und bestellt sich ein heißes Glas Wasser.Da fragt der Wirt neugierig: "Hmm, warum wollen sie heißes Wasser und kein Blut?" Da holt der Vampir einen blutigen Tampon... Sitzt ein Eglischer Vampir in einem Kaffe und bestellt eine Tasse heißes Wasser holt einen benutzten Tampong aus der Tasche und sagt genüslich i’ts Tea Time Zwei Vampire gehen in ein Restaurant. Der Eine bestellt sich eine Schale Blut, der andere nur ein Glas heißes Wasser. Daraufhin der Eine zum Anderen: „Wieso bestellst du nur ein Glas heißes... A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea." Van tres vampiros a un bar a tomarse algo en pleno mes de agosto, va el primero y le dice al camarero: - ¡Camarero!, ponme un vaso de granizado de sangre que me muero de calor. El segundo le dice:... The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please" "Water? I thought you guys drank blood" "Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire... There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out... Trzy wampiry wchodzą do baru. Pierwszy z nich siada, a barman pyta: - Czego sobie życzysz? - Setę krwi! Drugi wampir siada, barman pyta: - A co dla Ciebie? - Dwie kolejki! Trzeci siada, barman... 3 vampires se retrouvent dans un bar lugubre, en hiver, il fait froid.... Le premier demande: - "Un grand verre de sang bien chaud, s'il vous plaît!" le deuxième demande: - "un grand verre de sang... Kolme vampyyriä meni baariin. Ensimmäinen tilasi pienen lasillisen verta, toinen tilasi ison lasin verta. Kolmas vampyyri pyysi kupillisen kuumaa vettä. Kaksi muuta vampyyriä ihmettelivät asiaa ja... 3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?” The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water... 3 vampieren stappen een caf� binnen. De eerste vampier bestelt een glaasje A negatief en hij drinkt het op. De tweede bestelt een glaasje O negatief opgewarmd. De derde bestelt een glaasje kokend... Alcuni vampiri stanno bevendo un drink al loro bar. Entra Dracula e chiede al barista: “Una tazza di acqua bollente”. Il barista e gli altri vampiri lo guardano male. Allora lui tira fuori un...
A vampire walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, "A cup of boiling water, please." The bartender, confused and scared, walks up with the water and says,
"I thought vampires drank blood..." The vampire pulls out a used тамроn and says,
"Yes, it's tea time."
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Holiday Jokes Vampire jokes
Why don't witches have babies? Because their husbands have Hallo-weenies!!!
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Holiday Jokes
How does Santa count his girl elves?
Ho hо ho
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Holiday Jokes
People ask me what the time is all the time, and everytime, on time, I tell them, "if you look at that building it'll show you the time because you'll be watching it". Sometimes they laugh and when they don't I shrug and tell them it's a timeless joke that suскs if you work overtime and then they usually move a few centimeters away because it's nighttime in summertime and they just got finished working overtime.
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Holiday Jokes
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