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Holiday Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween.
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Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos.
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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes Sports Jokes What's The Difference Jokes
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
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Halloween Jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes Pirate Jokes
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
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One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of Thanksgiving?
A. The stuffing.
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Thanksgiving Jokes One-Liner Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: To know which witch is which!
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Holiday Jokes
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
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Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
Víš, proč chce kuře přejít silnici? Ne? No, aby se dostalo na druhou stranu.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!
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Animal Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Science jokes Fat Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Holiday Jokes
It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?"
"Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
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Christmas Jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's sсrеwing a chicken.
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God Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Easter Jokes Holiday Jokes
Майката: - А сега миличко си намисли някакво коледно желание! - Иска ми се Дядо Коледа да донесе дрехи на всички тия бедни, голи какички, дето са в компютъра на тати Une petite fille est entrain de prier : - Cher dieu, s'il vous plaît, envoyez des vêtements à ces pauvres femmes sur l'ordinateur de mon papa.
Mother:
"Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl:
"I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those nакеd girls in papa's computer."
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Christmas Jokes Technology Jokes Sex Jokes Holiday Jokes
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fат guy in the suit gets all the credit.
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Christmas Jokes Office and Work Jokes Fat Jokes Holiday Jokes
On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a ваsтаrd and hears his dad call his mom a вiтсh. He asks, "Mommy, what does ваsтаrd mean?" She answers, "Um, it means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does вiтсh mean?" He says, "Uh, it means girl." Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, "Sh*t." The son asks, "What does that mean?" The dad says, "It means shaving cream." Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, "F*ck." The son asks her what that word means and she says, "It means carving." That evening, the family's guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, "Welcome вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing sh*t on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey."
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Dad Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Holiday Jokes
Yo momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
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Office and Work Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes
Une fois, j'ai appelé la police à ma propre fête parce que je voulais aller me coucher Вчера се обадих на полицията на моето собствено парти, защото много исках да си легна вече
I once called the police on my own party because i wanted to go to bed
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Holiday Jokes Police Officer Jokes
Когато си дал ясно да се разбере на доведения си баща, че това не е бил желаният подарък!! Кога јасно си му ставил до знаење на твојот очув дека тоа не бил посакуваниот подарок!! Cuando dejaste muy claro a tu padrastro que ese no era el regalo que querías!! Когда ты ясно дал понять своему отчиму, что это был не тот подарок, который ты хотел!! Wenn du deinem Stiefvater unmissverständlich klargemacht hast, dass das niсhт das gewünschte Geschenk war!! Quand tu as bien fait comprendre à ton beau-père que ce n’était pas le cadeau souhaité !! Όταν έκανες απολύτως σαφές στον πατριό σου ότι αυτό δεν ήταν το δώρο που ήθελες!! Quando hai fatto capire molto chiaramente al tuo patrigno che non era il regalo che volevi!! Üvey babana bunun istediğin hediye olmadığını iyice belli ettiğinde!! Коли ти чітко дав зрозуміти своєму вітчиму, що це був не той подарунок, який ти хотів!! Quando deixaste bem claro ao teu padrasto que não era o presente que querias!! Kiedy jasno dałeś do zrozumienia swojemu ojczymowi, że to nie był prezent, którego chciałeś!! När du gjorde det väldigt tydligt för din styvfar att det inte var presenten du ville ha!! Als je je stiefvader duidelijk hebt laten weten dat dit niet het cadeau was dat je wilde!! Når du har gjort det helt klart for din stedfar, at det ikke var den gave, du ønskede dig!! Når du har gjort det krystallklart for stefaren din at dette ikke var gaven du ønsket deg!! Kun olet tehnyt täysin selväksi isäpuolellesi, ettei se ollut lahja, jota halusit!! Amikor teljesen világossá tetted a mostohaapád számára, hogy ez nem az az ajándék volt, amit szerettél volna!! Când i-ai făcut foarte clar tatălui tău vitreg că acesta nu era cadoul dorit!! Když jsi dal svému nevlastnímu otci jasně najevo, že to nebyl dárek, který jsi chtěl!! Kai aiškiai davei suprasti savo patėviui, kad tai nebuvo norima dovana!! Kad tu savam patēvam skaidri pateici, ka tā nebija dāvana, ko vēlējies!! Kad si jasno dao do znanja svom očuhu da to nije bio poklon koji si želio!!
When you made it very clear to your stepfather that this wasn’t the gift you wanted!!
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Kids Jokes Holiday Jokes
Много жени няма да получат подаръците си навреме. А може би и някои „мъже“… Многу жени нема да ги добијат своите подароци навреме. А можеби и некои „мажи“… Muchas mujeres no recibirán sus regalos a tiempo. Y quizá también algunos “hombres”… Многие женщины не получат свои подарки вовремя. А может, и некоторые «мужчины»… Viele Frauen werden ihre Geschenke niсhт rechtzeitig bekommen. Und vielleicht auch einige „Männer“… Beaucoup de femmes ne recevront pas leurs cadeaux à temps. Et peut-être aussi certains « hommes »… Πολλές γυναίκες δεν θα πάρουν τα δώρα τους εγκαίρως. Και ίσως και κάποιοι «άντρες»… Molte donne non riceveranno i loro regali in tempo. E forse anche alcuni “uomini”… Birçok kadın hediyelerini zamanında alamayacak. Belki bazı “erkekler” de… Багато жінок не отримають свої подарунки вчасно. А можливо, і деякі «чоловіки»… Muitas mulheres não vão receber os seus presentes a tempo. E talvez também alguns “homens”… Wiele kobiet nie dostanie swoich prezentów na czas. A może także niektórzy „mężczyźni”… Många kvinnor kommer inte att få sina presenter i tid. Och kanske även några ”män”… Veel vrouwen zullen hun cadeaus niet op tijd krijgen. En misschien ook sommige “mannen”… Mange kvinder vil ikke få deres gaver til tiden. Og måske også nogle “mænd”… Mange kvinner vil ikke få gavene sine i tide. Og kanskje også noen «menn»… Monet naiset eivät saa lahjojaan ajoissa. Ja ehkä myös jotkut ”miehet”… Sok nő nem fogja megkapni az ajándékait időben. És talán néhány „férfi” sem… Multe femei nu își vor primi cadourile la timp. Și poate și unii „bărbați”… Mnoho žen nedostane své dárky včas. A možná i někteří „muži“… Daugelis moterų negaus savo dovanų laiku. O gal ir kai kurie „vyrai“… Daudzas sievietes nesaņems savas dāvanas laikā. Un varbūt arī daži “vīrieši”… Mnoge žene neće dobiti svoje poklone na vrijeme. A možda i neki „muškarci“…
Many women won’t get their gifts on time. And maybe some “men” too…
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Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, when she heard that Christmas was around the corner, she went looking for it.
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Yo Momma Jokes Christmas Jokes Stupid Jokes Holiday Jokes
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