"My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah.. My wife just broke up with her boyfriend."
"My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD."
"I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah... I told him once... Doctor... Every morning when I get up and look in the mirror.. I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me? He said.. I don't know but your eyesight is perfect"
"I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest."
"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie."
"My dentist has bad breath...... Why every time he smokes he blows onion rings."
"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion... He said... Alright... You're ugly too!"
"I was so ugly... My mother used to feed me with a sling shot!"
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