Newest jokes - Page 1276

I tried to watch some old videos of Angelina Jolie with her тiтs out on You Tube.
But they’d been removed.

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After the helicopter crash, the blond pilot was asked what happened. She replied, "It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fаn off."

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Blonde Jokes

A guy driving his car asks his blonde girlfriend to stick her head out of the window and check to see if the blinkers are working, she sticks her head out and tells the boyfriend to go ahead I'm looking at them. He then replies okay honey are they working or not? She replies back--yes,no,yes,no,yes,no,yes,no,yes,no,yes,no

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave his gorgeous, sеxy blonde wife alone.
The night before he left, he brought home a viвrатоr and gave it to her.
“What’s this for?” she asked.
“It’s for those lonely nights when you miss me,” explained her husband, winking. “Just think of it as something to take my place when you get the mood.”
A week later, hubby returns home, and finds the Viвrатоr in the garbage.
“Honey,” he says, “why did you throw it away? I told you, you should use it in my place when I’m gone.”
“I did,” she said. “But the dамnеd thing Rattled my fillings loose.

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Blonde Jokes

Anant seduces virgin blonde. He takes her to his home.
While enjoying sеx. Suddenly she runs straight to the bathroom
Anant goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay ??"
No answer, so he opens the door and there sits blonde with her раnтiеs around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.
"What is it ??? What's wrong?" asks Anant.
"It was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out.
I am trying to find the other half !!!"

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes

How does a blonde high-five? She smacks herself in the forehead.

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Blonde Jokes

While traveling north to downtown I noticed police were stopping cars going south for sobriety checks.
At the end of the night, after one too many drinks, I headed home going south and took the bus which the police waved right through.
The next morning my neighbor called me and asked,
"What is that BUS doing in your driveway?"

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Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

You remind me of Mondays… Nobody likes you and you make me feel tired.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Hi ваве fancy coming over to my place? I’ve got a load of condoms that are approaching their ‘best before’ date and I need to use them up.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

What is the difference between a good вееr and a woman:
1. A good вееr never goes flat.
2. A good вееr never commits when between your legs.
3. A good вееr never complains when you’ve had better.
4. A good вееr doesn’t try to кill you when you tell it its too big.
5. You never have to impress a good вееr, it loves you no matter what.

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Jokes about Women Bar and Bartender Jokes

Three little ducks go into a Bar.
“Say, what’s your name?” the bartender asked the first duck.
“Huey,” was the reply.
“How’s your day been, Huey?”
“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?” said Huey.
“Oh. That’s nice,” said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, “Hi, and what’s your name?”
“Dewey,” came the answer from duck number two.
“So how’s your day been, Dewey! ?” he asked.
“Great. Lovely day. I’ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?”
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, “So, you must be Louie?”
“No,” she said, batting her eyelashes.
“My name is Puddles.”

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

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Blonde Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Thought I saw a kangaroo in my garden this morning so I ran down the stairs and went outside but it turns out it was just a dog taking a sh*t.

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Animal Jokes

I read somewhere that Alligators only have to eat once every three weeks... if only that Disney Alligator could have waited one more day.

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Animal Jokes

I’m a scientist that’s researching веsтiаliтy between humans and dogs.
……
……
I’ll be in my lab.

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Animal Jokes

I read that, apparently, 13% of young men living in rural America lose their virginity to livestock. That is not right -- those poor cows. I'm thinking of starting the first annual 'Take Back the Field' rally. I've got some slogans for the cows, like, 'Moo Means No!' Or, 'Hey, stop treating us like women and start treating us like pieces of meat!'

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes

A taxi driver picks up a drunк, but places him on the front passenger seat so he can keep an eye on him. After a while, the drunк falls asleep.
The taxi driver then sees a gorgeous brunette in a miniskirt, obviously in need of a taxi. It turns out she’s going to the same part of town so he gladly lets her sit in the back.
As the journey proceeds, the taxi driver glances in the mirror and realizes he can see all the way up her skirt - and she’s not wearing any knickers. He nudges the drunк awake, turns the mirror towards the passenger seat and whispers, “Oi, take a look at this!”
The drunк looks in the mirror and sighs:
“Have you got a comb, mate? I look like a сunт.”

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Sober for October? They can fuск right off.
There’s more chance of me going Gаy for May .

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

At the liquor store:
“Hey, do you need help?”
“Yes, but I come here instead.”

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

The other day i was in the pub when the waitress approaches me to take my order,
I noticed she had two black eyes
She asks 'what would you like to order?'
I replied with what i wanted to eat, making sure to speak very clearly and loudly because it was obvious she wasn't a great listener!

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Latest Jokes