Latest Jokes

Friendship Jokes
Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes
I get so frustrated with the advertising agencies and their use of the oldest of old cliches that always seem to catch a second wind and another decade of tiresome syntax. ….
…
A good example is “Starving.” Two decades later, they still run that same mud-caked Somalian kid on the side of the road, with fifty flies buzzing on his face, begging for a bowl of rice… “Your $19 every month can save him.” He’s made it all this time on 3AM TV, mud-caked, with those eyes that match the sadness of a beagle? Good job advertisers. Twenty years ago, all his chest needed was some barbecue sauce and an hour on the grill. I’m surprised they haven’t developed miracle drugs to show how long he’s been alive and begging. They certainly could develop perpetual youth serums as well. Anti-aging formulas sell well at 3AM too.
And then we have writers describing a Church feast or a buffet, where the tables “groan,” supposedly under the weight of the food. Really? Does a table complain? “Oh my back, I don’t know if I can take much more of this shiт.” Think of all the mothers at that Church picnic trying to get their six year old to eat Auntie Maud’s creamed broccoli from the рот luck, so they don’t end up covered with flies and mud, starving alongside the Somalian kid.
You people writing Real Estate ad copy are just as bad. What the fсuк is a “Roaring” fire? And if I think about it long, enough, can’t my new house (and fireplace) be a place of coziness, quiet and love? Has anybody ever walked by their fireplace and been startled out of their wits by a mighty roar, before the hearth consumed them?
And you travel agencies making up romantic stories about a vacation, making liberal use of the word “Rustic.” Thanks to you, my g/f and I just spent a week in a “rustic” cabin. For once and for all, I found out ‘rustic’ means ‘old piece of shiт.’
Kids Jokes Food Jokes
I'm the life of the party ... even when it lasts until 8 p. M.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps... with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home... before I get to where I am going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, antacid, etc.
I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because... I can't hear a word you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories ... over and over and over and over.
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private care, dental care...
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians ...
I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy... and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...
I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.
I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies!
I'm anti-everything now: anti-fат, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory...
I'm walking more to the bathroom and enjoying it less.
I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors... absolutely nothing!
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
I'm supporting all movements now... by eating bran, prunes, and raisins.
I'm a walking storeroom of facts ... I've just lost the storeroom.
I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!!!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me...
Old People Jokes Political Jokes Fat Jokes