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Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face.
Dave says “John what are you so happy for?”
“Well Dave, I gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat, and a redhead came up to me… тiтs out to here, Dave, тiтs out to here!
She says “Can I have a ride in your boat?”
“I said ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said ‘Its either sсrеw or swim!’ She couldn’t swim, Dave, she couldn’t swim!!.”
The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a вiggеr smile on his face.
Dave says “What are you so happy about today John?”
“Well Dave… I gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxing’ my boat, just waxing’ my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me… тiтs out to here, Dave, тiтs out to here! She said ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ “Sure you can have a ride in my boat.”
So I took her way out, Dave, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said ‘Its either sсrеw or swim!’ She couldn’t swim!!, Dave, she couldn’t swim!!!!.”
A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there crying over a вееr.
Dave says “John, what are you so sad for?”
“Well Dave, I gotta tell ya…. Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me… тiтs WAY out to here, Dave, тiтs WAY out to here. I had more wood than my boat does. She says “Can I have a ride in your boat?”
“Sure you can have a ride in my boat.”
So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out… much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her тiтs and said ‘Its either sсrеw or swim!!’.
Then, she pulled down her pants…. she had a diск, Dave !!!
She had a great BIG fuскing diск!!! ……… Dave, ….. I CAN’T SWIM!!!”
Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Boob Jokes
A bloke working on the buses taking fares pushes one of his passengers off the bus and kills him. At the trial he is found guilty of мurdеr and is sentenced to the electric chair.
As a last meal he asks for a bunch of green bananas, which he duly eats.
They sit him down, plug him in a send a million volts through him. When the smoke clears he is sitting there, right as rain. Checking through the statutes the governor finds he has no choice but to release him.
The chap goes back to his job on the buses and lo and behold allows another passenger to fall to his death. Once again he is found guilty and sentenced to death.
At the prison he, again, asks for a bunch of green bananas, which he duly receives and scoffs down. In the chair again and this time he is zapped with 2 million volts. Smoke clears and вuggеr me there he sits, right as rain.
As before he goes back to his old job. Through a combination of stupidity and sheer malice he, yet again, allows another passenger to fall to their death (under a train at that, it was quite nasty really!) The judge has no choice but to find him guilty and off he goes to the chair.
As you may have guessed he asks for his bunch of green bananas (getting predictable now) Eats them, gets strapped in, 3 million volts and yep, he’s right as rain.
The executioner, who is really рissеd off by now, approaches him and asks what the secret is, is it (as he suspects) the green bananas that save his life. “No” replies the prisoner “I’m just a bad conductor!”
Office and Work Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes
O n Fred’s 86th birthday one of his female neighbors, from down the hall in the old folks home, came into his room and unzipped his pants. She the proceeded to sтriр him of his pants and skivvies. She sat down on the bed with him and grasped his withered shlong and held him for an hour. She did this routine of undrеssing him and holding his diск for an hour, every morning of his birthday. On Fred’s 93 birthday she proceeded to disrobe him when he told her to stop.
“What do you mean you don’t want me to do it any more”, she said baffled by his actions.
“I just don’t want you to hold me anymore”, replied Fred.
“Why, is there someone else”?
“Actually there is,” Fred shamefully admitted.
“Well what does she have that I don’t have”?
“Parkinson’s”, replied Fred.
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