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Latest Jokes

Here’s a bit of advice for you.
Advi.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I just bought a really expensive car, only to find the reverse gear broken.
There’s no going back now.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

After finishing 10 pints I was dangerously weaving in the middle of the road.
I thought, “It’d probably be safer to make this cane chair at home.”

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

My wife went to see a spiritualist last week.
I asked her “how did you rate her?”
She said “medium.”

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Why did fans avoid the front row seats at this years Snooker Championships?
The queues were too long.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I cut off He-Man’s electricity today.
Now I have the power.

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling their вrеаsтs.
“Really?” she said. “Go on then… Try.”
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
“Come on,” she demanded, “What day was I born on?”
“Yesterday?” I replied.

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

The following conversation took place after being called by an accident compensation helpline.
Operator: Good afternoon sir, we’re calling about your recent accident.
Me: How did you know about that? At first I though it was just a fаrт but then I ended up shiттing myself.
Operator: *Hangs up the phone*

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Jokes

So I was visiting my uncle Angus over in scottland, and we got to talking, and he tells me the following
See this bar here lad? I built this bar with me bare hands. I planed the wood, sanded, stained it, nailed it, put me sweat and blood into it. But do they call be Angus the bar-builder? No… See that fence outside? Aye, i built that too. I shaped the wood, dug the holes, measured and planted the posts meself. But do they call be Angus the fence-builder? NO! That boat outside lad, aye, built that meself to! I chopped down the tree’ dried and warped the wood, nailed it and tarred it with me bare hands! But do they call me Angus the boat-builder? no! But you fuск one sheep laddie.

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Jokes

Me in the mornings: ok I'll get out of bed in 10 seconds 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,9,9...

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Jokes

I was on a Ryanair flight last week. I know it’s a low cost airline, but they’ve even started cutting back on health and safety.
The stewardess said, “You’ll find the emergency exits here, here, and here.”
She pointed to the same door three times.

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Jokes

A vacationer telephones a seaside hotel to ask where it was. “It’s only a stone’s throw from the beach,” he was told. “How will I recognize it?” asked the man.
“It’s the one with all the broken windows.” Came the reply.

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Men jokes Hotel Jokes

After reading this, you'll realize the the brain doesn't recognize the second "the".

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Jokes

A man purchased a brand new $350,000.00 Lamborghini sports car. He took it out on the expressway to see just how fast his car would travel. The man accelerated past 100 mph and then an old man on a moped passed him up like he was standing still.
The man in the sports car was amazed at the feat and accelerated so quickly he passed the old man on his moped like he was standing still too. Then as quickly as the man in his sports car passed the old man on his moped, the old man passed him up again just as quickly. The man in the sports car felt so intimidated that he accelerated as fast as he could and passed up the old man on the moped again. The old man on his moped once again passed up the sports car.
Finally the man in his sports car could not believe his eyes, so he got past the old man on the moped and pulled over to the side of the expressway. The old man on the moped pulled over too. The man in the sports car got out and ran over to the old man on the moped and asked,
"How in the world could you get that moped to go nearly as fast as my new $350,000.00 sports car?"
The old man on the moped was huffing and puffing and trying to catch his breath. He looked up and said,
"Mister, I'm so glad you pulled over because for the last 10 minutes my suspenders have been hooked on to the rear of your bumper!"

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

Q:Why was the ghost arrested?
He had no haunting license.

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Jokes

I hate living in the Tetris flats. Someone moved into the empty apartment next door, and the entire fuскing floor disappeared.

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Jokes

My jokes are so dark they have to sit in the back of the bus.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Q. What do you call an Indian person who isn’t very well?
A. Sikh

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

I went swimming in the Black Sea.
It stole my trunks.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?
They know Jewish women can’t resist anything with 10% off.

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes