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Latest Jokes

Just got fired from my job as a postman for throwing letters in the trash. What did they expect? On my CV I clearly stated that I was the Bruce Lee of laziness with a black belt in partial arts.

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Jokes

A good looking girl waved at me today…
But there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.

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Jokes

Do you want to know Victoria's Secret? Their lingerie doesn't look the same on your wife as it does on their models.

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Jokes

I accidentally took an extra step when I reached the top of the stairs and now I'm in a marching band.

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Jokes

What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
Rrr?
Nope, it would have to be the letter C (sea).

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Jokes

How do young wizards and witches correct their homework?
They use a spell-checker.

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Jokes

Did you hear about the new garlic diet?
You don't actually lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance.

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Jokes

Just been sacked from my job as a chef for stealing.
I’ve always been whisk taker.

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Jokes

"I'm a little worried about our mailman. Last week I found a pile of bones on the front walk and the dog was picking his teeth with a postcard."

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Jokes

A young man tutored his sweetheart maths,
He thought of it as his mission,
He kissed her once then once again and said
"There, that's addition!"
She took it upon herself to return the pleasant action,
She kissed once and once again,
Smiled and said "and that's subtraction!"
Now she'd learned the basics without too much complication,
They kissed each other once, then twice,
And said "that must be multiplication!"
Meanwhile the young lady's father
Had this 'lesson' in his vision,
He kicked that boy ten foot out the door and said
"Then that is long division!"

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Men jokes

Me- You wanna hear a joke.
Jake- Sure
Me- Pussy
Jake- I don't get it.
Me- HA! You just said you don't get рussy. HAHAHAHA
Ryan-Hahaha! Jake doesn't get рussy! HAHAHAHA

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Dirty jokes

To a woman, sеxuаl harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. Now, if a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

What do coffee beans and woman have in common?
They’re both useless until their wet.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Q. What’s the difference between a pornstar and an undertaker?
A. An undertaker is usually fully dressed when he sees a stiff.

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Dirty jokes

They say nice guys finish last.
Thats because we make sure she finishes first

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Dirty jokes

My mom's always saying really smart things... like, you probably heard this one, 'Why buy the соw when the milk has HPV?' Wish I'd listened to that one.

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Dirty jokes

Are you busy tonight at around 3 a. M.?

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Dirty jokes

One of the youth soccer coaches didn't care much for my refereeing and had no problem letting me know it. Fed up, I politely threatened him with a send-off if he didn't stop.
He calmed down, but an older woman took up where he'd left off. "You'd better control your sideline," I warned the coach.
The coach turned to the woman and barked, "Knock it off, Mom!"

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became suspicious and upset. "You're running around with other women, aren't you?" she accused.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam asked, half asleep.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes

I saw a sign outside the Greengrocers saying, ‘Cucumbers, (loose) 75p’.
Cool… I think I’ll get one for the missus since they’ve got her size.

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Sex Jokes