Student jokes

PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."

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Q: Why did the students study in the airplane?
A: Because they wanted higher grades.

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Student jokes Aviation Jokes School Jokes

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it- I mean it! As soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
10. Listen to the other side.
11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
12. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly worthwhile.
16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
19. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
25. Lie face down on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs.
26. Leap up and write the paper.
27. Type the paper.
28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write the paper.

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Friendship Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Student jokes Coffee Jokes

English Teacher :
Give me the opposite of this sentence : "Children In the dark make mistakes "
Student : "Mistakes in the dark make Children "
Teacher: GET OUT!

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Student jokes School Jokes

It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh.
At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!"
The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance.
"If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked.
Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."
And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"

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School Jokes Student jokes Graduation Jokes

After Graduating from High School, David moves away from home to study at University.
One of his letters home reads:

Dear Father,
University i$ really great.
I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear David,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad

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Dad Jokes School Jokes Money jokes Friendship Jokes Student jokes Graduation Jokes

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Сhrisт!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your аss!"

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Dirty jokes Religion jokes School Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Student jokes Christian Jokes

College student
1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student.
2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
5. If you have a fine collection of domestic вееr bottles.
6. If you have ever seen two consectutive sunrises without sleeping.
7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II).
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car.
10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up (one trip).
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light.
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself.
13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.
14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's "free", even though it tastes terrible.
17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class
19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them
20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
21. If your social life consists of a date with the library
22. If your idea of "doing your hair" is putting on a baseball cap
23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that's all you have
25. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn
27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter
28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half nакеd men or women (whichever your preference)
30. If you have built up a tolerence for beverages (he he he)
31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room
34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
35. If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo
36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes
37. If you get more e-mail than mail.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Jokes about Women School Jokes Men jokes College jokes Student jokes Banker Jokes Beer Jokes

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

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Dad Jokes Technology Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes Student jokes

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

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Insult Jokes School Jokes One-Liner Jokes Old People Jokes Student jokes

Teacher and her 3 boy students:
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your вrа.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your вrа straps.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher веnт down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Student jokes

I remember my guidance counselor.
The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."

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Graduation Jokes Office and Work Jokes Student jokes

A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

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Math Jokes School Jokes Student jokes Stupid Jokes

Student:Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher:What are you gonna do over there?
Student: Make a boat and travel to Africa?!
Teacher: What kind of comeback is that !?
Student: Sorry I can't talk right now, I got Ebola from Africa because I'm teachers sтuрid enough to beileve me..

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Student jokes Insult Jokes Africa Jokes School Jokes

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up apicture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No oneraises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? Whatanimal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
"Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes onthis animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Nextshe holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognizedthe animal.
"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it'ssomething your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a hоrny ваsтаrd."

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Student jokes School Jokes

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

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Science jokes Jokes about Women Computer Jokes Fitness jokes Student jokes Stupid Jokes School Jokes

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
"Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "It's because yer feet ain't empty."

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School Jokes Student jokes

The teacher asks a student "If you have $5 and billy takes $3, how much do you have left?"
The student replies "Not enough for fuскing lunch and billy ain't gonna have no got dамn teeth left stealing my 3 dollars."

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School Jokes Money jokes Vulgar jokes Student jokes Math Jokes

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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Sports Jokes School Jokes Animal Jokes Aviation Jokes Fitness jokes Student jokes Sick and Death Jokes

School shooting happens
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk
American student: “First time?”

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School Jokes USA Jokes Student jokes American Jokes

A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ ОМG there аsshоlеs.

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Student jokes School Jokes

What do you call a high school student?
Alone and depressed.

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Student jokes School Jokes

Why can’t college students take exams at the zoo? – Too many cheetahs!

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Animal Jokes Student jokes Zoo Jokes School Jokes

in English class the teacher says
(Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first.
(Sally): Okay a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z.
(Teacher): good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny.
(Teacher): Little Johnny say the alphabet.
(Little Johnny): bcefghijklmnopsvwxyz.
(Teacher): no Johnny that’s not right.
(Johnny): oh I forgot u r a q t.
(Teacher). No still not right and thank you.
(Johnny): oh I’ll give you the d later .
(Class): (laughing). (Teacher): GO TO THE OFFICE NOW .

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Office and Work Jokes Student jokes School Jokes

Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life.
Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died.
Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy.
Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well

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Student jokes School Jokes

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: OOF
Teacher: Is anyone missing.
Students: Your Parents

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Student jokes

A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies “we did, but no one liked it.”

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USA Jokes Student jokes German Jokes School Jokes American Jokes

Cessna pilot:
"Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower:
"Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"
Cessna:
"Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

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Life Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes Student jokes School Jokes

Teacher: Describe a penguin
Student: Black, White, Beak
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes
Teacher: No! How does that describe a соw?
Student: It describes you tho.

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Money jokes Student jokes School Jokes

The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet ,
The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz,
Where’s the p,
He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs

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Student jokes School Jokes

Student:"may I use the restroom professor?"
Professor: "oui oui"
Stundent:"no professor, DOO DOO"

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Student jokes School Jokes

Teacher: Ok Billy, what do you wanna be when you grow up?
Student: I wanna be the president!
Teacher: I don't thing you can.
Billy: ВIТСН, YOU SAID I COULD BE ANYTHING I WANTED!

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Student jokes School Jokes

One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?"
A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."

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School Jokes Animal Jokes Student jokes White people jokes

A student to his teacher:
"I haven't got no pencil."
Teacher, correcting him:
"You don't have any pencil.
He doesn't have any pencils.
We don't have any pencils."
Student, with a look of astonishment:
"Where have all the pencils gone?"

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School Jokes Student jokes