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Latest Jokes

The inventor of the red card has died…
He had a good send off.

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Sick and Death Jokes

I was stood in the chemist and I said to the lady behind the counter, “Do you have anything that will clear up diarrhea?”
“We have some Imodium plus, if that’s what you mean,” she replied.
“No, I don’t think you understand my question. I just shat on your floor.”

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Sick and Death Jokes

I saw down a side alley a load of epileptics gathered in a circle, watching two others shaking in the middle together.
I asked one of them, ‘What the hеll is going on?’
He said, ‘First rule of fit club is, you do not talk about fit club’

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Sick and Death Jokes

“What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
Throw your clothes in so they get a wash.”
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You insensitive ваsтаrd. My little boy died having a fit in the bath.
He choked on a sock.

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Sick and Death Jokes

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

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Sick and Death Jokes

I’ve been waiting 5 hours for my granddad to put on his hulk outfit for a fantasy themed fancy dress party, I’ve finally walked into his room to see what the hold up was, and he’s lying on his bed, blue in the face, I think he’s going as an avatar.

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Sick and Death Jokes

I woke up this morning beside myself with joy.
Time to increase my schizophrenia medication, I think.

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Sick and Death Jokes

When you don't know, what you are doing, it's best, to do it quickly.

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Attitude Jokes

I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of just nuts.

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Attitude Jokes

You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone.

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Attitude Jokes

Are my undiеs showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"

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Attitude Jokes

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

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Attitude Jokes

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

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Attitude Jokes

I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.

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Attitude Jokes

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

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Attitude Jokes

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.

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Attitude Jokes

I always give 110%. Oops. Left out the decimal point. I always give 1.10%.

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Attitude Jokes

I don't believe in myths like the one that states you have a brain.

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Attitude Jokes

I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes.

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Attitude Jokes

Look, if crying doesn't solve the problem, then maybe I'm just not the person you should be asking.

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Attitude Jokes