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Latest Jokes

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"Dоuсhеваg!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says.
"I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says:
"Too late, dоuсhеваg."

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Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class.
Everybody writes except little John.
The teacher asks him: John, why aren’t you writing?
I’m exhausted because of sеx.
That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Sex Jokes

Pedro lives in an orphanage. One day Pedro is heading towards town with his hands claped together, when the padre who runs this orphanage asks Pedro, "What do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Pedro replies,
"Father, I have horseflies and I am going to town to get horses." Sure enough later Pedro comes back with two beautiful Arabians. Next day Pedro walks past the priest again with the same question, "Pedro, what do you have in your hand and where are you going?" Pedro replies once again, "Father I have butter and I am going to town to get butterflies." Sure enough Pedro returns with beautiful monarch butterflies. The very next day Pedro is headed towards town once again when the Priest asks the same question, "Pedro what do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Again Pedro replies,
"Father I have Рussy willows-"
"Wait, Pedro!" says the Priest, "I'll go with you!!"

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Religion jokes Sex Jokes Priest Jokes

Yo mama is so black when she went outside the street lights turned on!

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Yo Momma Jokes Car and driving jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Yo Momma has so many chins, it looks like she's wearing a fат necklace!

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

What do dinosaurs put on their floors?
Rep-tiles.

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Animal Jokes

Why do black people only have nightmares?
We killed the only one with a dream.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a соw?
Cowboom!

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Animal Jokes

Water holds its breath when Chuck Norris is in below the surface.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
Claws.

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Animal Jokes

A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving."
The son replied,
"Maybe he has good parents then!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the wомв.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a тооl is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you seen my тооl?"
Elephant replies:
"What does it look like?"
Lion:
"Well it's got four points on it."
Elephant:
"Sorry, I haven't seen it, try mouse."
So the Lion goes to the mouse and asks "Have you seen my тооl?"
Mouse:
"What does it look like?"
Lion:
"Well it's got four points on it."
Mouse:
"Sorry mate, I've not seen it, try croc."
So the lion proceeds to the crocodile and asks "Have you seen my тооl?"
Croc:
"What does it look like?"
Lion:
"Well it's got four points on it."
Croc:
"Sorry I've not seen it, try Jaguar."
So the lion goes to Jaguar and asks "Have you seen my тооl?"
Jaguar:
"Of course, I ate it."
Lion:
"Why did you do that?"
Jaguar:
"Well I'm a four point тооl eater Jaguar."

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Animal Jokes

What do you get if you cross a соw with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo.

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Animal Jokes

Chuck Norris didn't grow a beard, a beard grew Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Drug Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't have to face the consequences, the consequences have to face Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris once walked into my house and I was fined for trespassing.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris once shaved his beard.
People now call it Bigfoot.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong?
Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes