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A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips.
Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon.
“It’s very brave of you to come out here,” says Matthew. “Please tell the audience what happened.”
“Well,” replies Simon, “about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn’t save my legs.”
“That’s terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?” asks Matthew.
“No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful.
“I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year.”
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience.
Kelly responds with:
“That’s an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?”
“Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half-uncle.”
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Раddy and Murphy chatting about wanking. Murphy asks Раddy if he’s ever had a вlоw job off the vacuum. Раddy thinks for a second and replies, “No, never!”that night, Раddy’s got sеx on the mind, looks over at the vacuum and recalls Murphy’s question and thinks…. fuск it! why not? He plugs the vac in, turns it on and sticks his соск in only to be met with the most excruciating pain. Раddy quickly switches it off, runs out to his car with it still hanging from his соск and races to Murphy’s house. He bangs on the door and Murphy opens it, Раddy shouts “Murphy you Ваsтаrd, I tried getting a suск off the vac and look what it’s done to my соск! Murphy replies “Shiт Раddy, you best get to the hospital, it’s wrapped round the roller brush.
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