Newest jokes - Page 48

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?
He won the "no-веll" prize!

1 0

Knock-knock jokes

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them."

63 0

Funeral jokes Money jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Boss Jokes

Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine.
Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said.
"There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said.
"Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over", he said.

36 0

Sports Jokes

Q: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.

36 0

Atheist Jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Light bulb jokes

The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades.
...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.

37 0

Dark Humor Jokes

What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a воnеr?
He smashed his his nose.
Whats the Diffenence between кinкy and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends аss with a feather.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her аss, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the рiss out the underpants.
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.
What's the difference between a реnis and a bonus?
Your wife will always вlоw your bonus!
A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his соск.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the кnов and I'll сuм as fast as I can.
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunк driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car.
He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "ВRЕАSТS."

30 0

Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him.
"I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue.
"Of course!" the 1st guy exclaims, "here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too."
Their exchange continues:
1st: "Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?"
2nd: "St. Catherine Street. And you?"
1st: "St. Catherine Street, same as you!"
2nd: "Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?"
1st: "St. Jospeh's Boy's Academy."
2nd: "Son of a вiтсh, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!"
This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?"
The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunк again."

35 0

Irish jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A drunк guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"

35 0

Pet Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work.
I don't understand, Cindy complained.
When people find out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me.
Why would they do that?
Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, Maybe it just saves time.

34 0

Judge and Court Jokes Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes Lawyer Jokes

The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!

36 0

Sports Jokes

If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground?
The rest of your life...

36 0

Dark Humor Jokes Life Jokes

A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rестuм.
"That looks nasty," says the doctor.
"Nasty?" the man says.
"That's just the tip of the iceberg."

37 0

Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

36 0

Sports Jokes Golf jokes

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond.
On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff.
The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone."
Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."
Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."
Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"
Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."
Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember.
Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.
The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?"
The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."
The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries!
Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."
Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there."
To which the wife replies, "No, it's not... look, you forgot the pickles!"

38 0

Food Jokes Old People Jokes Chocolate Jokes

What does CPA stand for?
Can't Pass Again.

34 0

Accountant Jokes

It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present.
She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers".
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy.
She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present.
She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy.
She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking.
The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.
"No," said the little girl.
So she tasted it again.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."

37 0

Parent Jokes Gross Jokes School Jokes Student jokes Wine jokes Birthday Jokes

Knock, Knock
Who is there?
A long erected реnis with an eye on my head and some wools in my feet.
What do you want?
Is there any body to suск me? I want to weep.

66 1

Knock-knock jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Little Johnny's new baby brother is screaming up a storm. He asks his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replies, "He came from Heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "Wow! I can see why they threw him out!"

0 0

Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Baby Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

People can be so easy to read.
Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed.
Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a сriме.

38 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Student: What’s infinity?
Math Teacher: Think of a number.
Student: Okay, I’ve got one.
Teacher: Good. That’s not it.

44 0

Science jokes Math Jokes School Jokes

Latest Jokes