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Latest Jokes

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

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Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes Cheating Jokes

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.
First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".
The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suск the chocolate around them."

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Jokes

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”
The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

“Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?”
“No, not a soul, actually.”
“Very good, now give me your wallet, watch and laptop!”

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Police Officer Jokes

“A vоdка please!”
“Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.”
“Yeah, yeah, alright. McVodka then.”

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Jokes

Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?”.
“No, how?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

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Jokes

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.
But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

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Animal Jokes

I found the perfect new super hero name for me:
Irony Man

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Jokes

Three men are riding on just one motorcycle. They pass a police patrol. The policeman shouts after them: “Police! Stop your vehicle now!” But they just continue driving past.
The last man turns around and yells: „Sorry dude! We can’t take you on, we’re already one too many!”

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Jokes

That moment when you’re trying to fish out a piece of meat from between your teeth and end up looking like you’re having fасiаl spasms.

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Jokes

There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell.
Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?“

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Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

How many psychologists do you need to change a lightbulb?
Hm, and how many do YOU think?

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Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

Q: How long does a Russian need to reach a BAC of 0,8?
A: About two days of no drinking.

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Jokes

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says:
“Don’t worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.”
“Really? Why do you think so?”
“I owe the IRS five years’ worth of taxes.”

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Jokes

Husband replies: “Really, Shirley? Why are you always trying to pick a fight?

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Marriage and Family Jokes

An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:
"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Jewish Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

You know you’re old when your friends start having kids on purpose.

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Jokes

The urologist is about to leave his office and says:
Ok, let's рiss off now."

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Jokes