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Latest Jokes

One prison guard to the other: “Have you heard that prisoner 234 broke out yesterday?!”
The other guard: “Thank goodness. Finally the hammering racket stops.”

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Jokes

I love karma. I can do terrible things to all sorts of people whenever, wherever, and know the ваsтаrds deserved it.

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Jokes

Son comes home and yells: “Moooooooom!!!!”
Mother shouts from the first floor:
“If you want something, come up and tell me properly. I’m sick of your hollering.”
Son goes up and says: “Look, I stepped in dog роор.”

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Kids Jokes Dog jokes

A couple goes to a restaurant and the wife excuses herself to go to the bathroom. In the meantime, the waiter approaches to take their order.
The husband says, “I’ll have a вееr.”
The waiter asks: “And what about your wife? Do you want a вееr for her?”
Man: “You know what, that’s a fair trade. Deal!”

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Waiter Jokes Good jokes Beer Jokes Restaurant Jokes

People sometimes tell me scary things, like “You have a great inner beauty.”
I’m just thinking: “Stay away from my kidneys.”

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Jokes

In the car repair shop:
Customer: “Can you save my car?”
Repair man: “I believe we could, by sсrеwing a new car in between the license plates.”

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Jokes

A guest calls the waiter: “Please try my soup.”
Waiter: “What’s the problem? Too salty?”
Guest: “No. Just try my soup.”
Waiter: “What then, is it too cold?”
Guest: “No. Please try my soup.”
Waiter: “Is it too hot?”
Guest: “No it isn’t. Can you just please try my soup already?”
Waiter: “But there’s no spoon.”
Guest: “Finally!”

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Waiter Jokes

“I will be contacting my lawyer” is the adult version of “I’m telling my mom”.

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Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes

My wife is my Strength. All the other Women are my Weakness

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Men jokes

(You): Do you wipe your вuтт with your right or your left hand?
(Victim): With my right hand.
(You): That’s disgusting. I use toilet paper.

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Jokes

Why is the banana crooked?
So it would fit in the peel, which is also crooked…

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Jokes

Police stops a man in his car.
Police: Sir, what’s in that bottle?
Man replies: Water.
Police: [sniffs] It smells like wine!
Man: Oh no, Jesus did it again!

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Police Officer Jokes Good jokes

A little boy, already tucked in bed, asks his daddy to please leave the light on.
“But why? Such a big boy?”
“I’m afraid of the dark, daddy…”
“Now that’s just racist, son!”

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Jokes

Guest to a waiter: “I’m actually quite sorry we haven’t discovered your restaurant earlier.”
Waiter: “Oh, that’s nice. So you liked it here?”
Guest: “No. But earlier, that meat might have still been OK.”

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Waiter Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Police: Do you know why we stopped you?
Man: No, I’m as baffled as you are!

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Police Officer Jokes

“Mommy, they told me at school that I have gigantic feet.”
“Let’s talk about this later. Now put your shoes in the garage and wash your hands, dinner is ready.”

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School Jokes

A man looks at himself in the mirror: “1 inch more and I’d be a king.”
The mirror replies: “1 inch less and you’d be a queen.”

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Jokes

An American guy, a French guy, and a Scottish guy go for a вееr. All their beers, by some coincidence or other, arrive with a fly in it.
The American pushes the вееr away in disgust.
The French guy fishes out the fly and drinks the вееr.
The Scotsman takes the fly out by the wing and yells at it, “Spit it out, spit it out now ya little hussy!!!”

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Old People Jokes Scottish Jokes American Jokes Beer Jokes

- So, Mr. Brandberg, are you happy with your new hearing aid?
– Very much, doctor. I already changed my last will twice!

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Old People Jokes

A truck driver phones his boss, "Hey boss, my mirror is broken."
The boss says, "Well then Just buy a new one and replace it then."
The truck driver answers, "I can't. The truck is laying on it."

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Old People Jokes Boss Jokes