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Latest Jokes

A cop is staking out a bar for drunк drivers.
At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.
The cop says, "How is this possible?"
The guy says,"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Fortnite is like America… At one time it was good and free. Now it’s neither.

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USA Jokes

Where can you find some of the world’s largest vegetables? – In an American nursing home.

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USA Jokes American Jokes

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It’s been awhile since the last presidential assassination…

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US Election Jokes American Presidents Humor

Why does a man like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

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Men jokes Love Jokes

Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Dirty jokes Jewish Jokes Black People Jokes

I just saw butter trending on twitter….
Someone must have spread the word.

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Social Network Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

How Churches might be in 2020:

PASTOR: Praise the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Hallelujah!

PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon. Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now collect tithes and offering. You can connect to the church WiFi using password Lord99087 and as for the renovation donations, you’re welcome to contribute via EFT or mobile banking. The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the iPads beep and flicker.

CHURCH SECRETARY: This week’s meetings will be held on the various Whatsapp groups so please don’t miss out! Wednesday Bible teachings will be held live on Skype @1900hrsGMT. By the way, you may follow the Pastor on Twitter for counseling and don’t forget our weekly prayers on YouTube. God bless you all.

CONGREGATION: Amen!

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Religion jokes God Jokes Social Network Jokes Secretary Jokes Banker Jokes

After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.

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Star Wars Jokes Military Jokes

What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.

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Star Wars Jokes Military Jokes

Spock went to the enterprises toilet and he knocked on it “Kirk are you in there?” Spiked asked, Kirk answered “hold on i am making a captains log”

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Movie jokes Military Jokes

Where do the Borg eat fast food? – Borger King.

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Food Jokes Movie jokes

Fed up with your computer winning at chess?
Try it at kick-boxing instead!

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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire.
The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said:
"Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said:
"We have here the driver's guide.
I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said:
"First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again.
Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said:
"Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

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Programmer Jokes Men jokes Computer Jokes Boss Jokes

I just signed my fathers day gift with:
“From your favourite son”
I look forward to seeing which of us he thanks.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Make My Day Laughs

Father's day, the most confusing day in the ghetto.

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Make My Day Laughs One-Liner Jokes

I started a band called 999 megabytes… we still haven’t gotten a gig

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Computer Jokes

Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " вiтсhеs and аssеs!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “diскs and рussiеs!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fuскing, fuск,fuск,Fuск"
" what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey вiтсhеs and аssеs, hang your diскs and рussiеs here, dad’s in the kitchen fuскing the turkey.

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Vagina Jokes

little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"

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School Jokes