Animal Jokes

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A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal, he went over and asked them what they were doing. …
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One of the boys replied, “This dog is an old neighborhood stray. We take him home with us sometimes, but only one of us can take him home. So we’re having a contest: whichever one of us tells the biggest lie can take him home today.” …
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Of course, the Reverend was shocked. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”
There was complete silence for about a minute. As the Reverend smiled with satisfaction that he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh. “All right,” he said, “give him the dog.”
Religion jokes Animal Jokes
A mouse and a lion walk into a bar, and they’re sitting there chugging away at a few beers when a giraffe walks in. “Get a load of her” says the mouse, “I fancy that!”
“Well, why not try your luck?” says the lion.
So the mouse goes over to the giraffe and starts talking to her, and within five minutes they’re out the door and gone into the night.
The next day, the lion is in the bar and the mouse staggers in.
The mouse is absolutely ragged, worn out, ruined.
The lion helps his pal up onto a stool, pours a drink down his throat and asks, “What the hеll happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?”
The mouse says “Yeah, she was really something else, she invited me back to her place to spend the night.
“But how come you look like you’re so exhausted?” asks the lion.
“Well”, says the mouse, “between the kissing and the sсrеwing, I must have run a thousand miles!”
Animal Jokes
Animal Jokes
Three scientists in Brunswick, Maine, were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant’s backside and force fed it for 2 weeks.
But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go.
A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go.
The big day arrived, they set up all the monitoring equipment and set out to a safe distance.
The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer.
They heard a loud roar, but there was no visual evidence. The three scientists returned dejectedly to their lab.
The next morning in their local paper, they saw the headline saying “Shiт storms in Texas……Flying monkey kills соw.”
Animal Jokes