Animal Jokes

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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
‘I would like a Sprite,’ said the first little piggy.
‘I would like a Coke,’ said the second little piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
‘I want a nice big steak,’ said the first piggy.
‘I would like the salad plate,’ said the second piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
‘I want a banana split,’ said the first piggy.
‘I want a cheesecake,’ said the second piggy.
‘I want вееr, lots and lots of вееr,’ exclaimed the third little piggy.
‘Pardon me for asking,’ said the waiter to the third little piggy,
‘But why have you only ordered вееr all evening?’
The third piggy says -
‘Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
Animal Jokes
A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. …
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Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention. …
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He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. …
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“Daddy, what are those spiders doing?” she asked. …
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“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top?”
“That’s a Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment. “So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” she asked.
The father’s heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question. He laughed, and then replied, “No sweetheart. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped the spiders flat. “Well, we’re not having any of that gаy shiт in our garden.”
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It’s a really hot day, and the Air Conditioner in the реnguin’s car quits. Well, penguins can’t take high temperatures so he immediately takes his car to an auto repair shop.
The реnguin asks, “How long will it be?”
The mechanic says, “Give me half an hour.”
So the реnguin decides to go get some ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the реnguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. His flippers have trouble getting the ice cream to his beak and within no time he is an absolute mess. Ice cream all over his front and his beak.
The реnguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and goes back to the mechanic’s repair shop.
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The mechanic comes walking out wiping his greasy hands on a rag and says, “It looks like you’ve blown a seal.”
The реnguin says, “No, I was just eating ice cream.”
Animal Jokes