Canadian jokes

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What’s a Canadian’s favorite comedy show?
It’s Always Snowing in Winnipeg.

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When someone commits a first-degree мurdеr in Canada…
It becomes a 34-degree мurdеr in the US.

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I was invited to Canada by my friends over there…
They were planning to have a New Year’s part-eh!

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During the ice hockey game, I tried to sneak into the front of the line.
Unfortunately, the guard caught me and told me, “Quebec to the end of the line!”

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What is the name of the city in Canada that is filled with wild cats?
The city of Van-cougar.

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How was the Canadian student kicked out of class?
The teacher sat him down and then asked him to leave.

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Why was my Canadian friend who was in the timber business so muscular and strong?
He was lumber jacked!

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What was my father’s reaction when he imported a tree from Canada?
He said, “This looks quite oak, eh?”

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Why do Canadians love helping people in times of trouble?
Because they are Can-aid-ians.

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How did the веаvеr bid farewell to the maple leaf tree?
He said, “It really has been nice gnawing you!”

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My sister told me that she didn’t know the capital of Canada.
I told her, “You Ottawa know it!”

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What constitutes fifty percent of Canada?
The letter A.

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In which way is the U.S. better than Canada?
It has nicer neighbors!

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Why couldn’t I reach my Canadian friend during an emergency?
He was watching a game of hockey!

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Why was the Canadian friend late in reaching the airport?
He got delayed because he was poutine in some food.

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What should you call Canada when it fails at something?
You call it Can’tada!

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What are the two seasons of Canada?
Winter… and July.

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Did you know that Canada has a real hard water problem?
Most of the time, it’s frozen.

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So, the U.S. and Canada are combining their space programs to send a spacecraft to the moon.
They’re calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.

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What is the type of tire that fixes itself on its own without troubling the driver?
It is a Canadian tire.

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