Coffee Jokes

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How does a tech guy drink coffee?
He installs Java!

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Coffee Jokes

Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.

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Coffee Jokes

I drink so much coffee at work, I consider it part of my daily grind.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.

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Coffee Jokes

What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
Mugging!

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Coffee Jokes

What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

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Coffee Jokes

If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.

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Coffee Jokes

How is divorce like espresso?
It’s expensive and bitter.

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Coffee Jokes

How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his victims—all ground up.

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Coffee Jokes

How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.

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Coffee Jokes

What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.

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Coffee Jokes

What did the coffee lover name her son?
Joe, obviously.

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Coffee Jokes

Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.

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Coffee Jokes

What’s the best Beatles song?
Latte Be!

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Coffee Jokes

"Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.

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Coffee Jokes

What is Mami Tomoe's favorite beverage to drink? De-cappuccino.

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Anime jokes Coffee Jokes

I went to a cafe in Paris and was insulted by the barista.
It was a regular French roast.

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French jokes Coffee Jokes

Two girlfriends are hanging out when one spills coffee on her shirt. The other girlfriend grabs a paper towel and goes to hand it to her friend, but she trips and elbows her bestie right in the воов. “Ouch! That really hurt!” the first friend exclaims. To which the other replied, “I’m so sorry. I had the вrеаsт intentions.”
Having воовs is sort of like having two toddlers hanging out in your вrа.
They never stay put when they’re supposed to, are always getting attention (whether you want them to or not), and they’re happiest when they’re free to roam.

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Boob Jokes Coffee Jokes

When do ghosts drink coffee? In the moaning.

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Ghost jokes Coffee Jokes

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso.

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Corny Jokes Coffee Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
December 18, 1992
In October, a cleaning crew accidentally tossed out an exhibit at the Museum of Discovery and Science in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. The exhibit consisted of 14,000 cigarette butts -- the amount a smoker produces in a lifetime -- crammed into coffee cans. Said the artist, in defense of the cleaning crew, "(The butts) didn't smell very good."

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Coffee Jokes