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Dark Humor Jokes

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How do you make a plumber cry? Кill his family
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Pastor: The devil wants to eat your happiness
Me:Then he will starve to death
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What's Al Qaeda's favorite sports team? New York Jets.
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Carlos has 300 candy bars. He eats 295.
What does Carlos have?
Diabetes. Carlos has diabetes
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Why can't santa be Asian?
Because he could never get to all the houses in the world driving 20 miles under the speed limit with both blinkers on
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Why did the boy fall of his bike?
Because I threw a tv at him
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Why did the owl fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead
Why did the second owl fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the first owl
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"Ask me if I'm a tree."
"Are you a tree?"
"No."
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Last Christmas,
I gave you my heart,
The very next day,
Your body rejected the transplant and you died.
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If there are 3 apples and johnny takes 3, how many does johnny have? It doesn't matter, he was hit by a train
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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him why the long face..
They horse unable to understand English shiтs on the floor and leaves.
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What did the carrot say to the other carrot?
We are both carrots.
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Male: I would die for you...
Female: Prove it
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Boy - I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Girl - It's in the phone book.
Boy - But I don't know your name.
Girl - That's in the phone book too.
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He: Did it hurt?
She: Did what hurt?
He: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because your face is really fuскеd up.
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What did the raisin say to the toaster?
Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.
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What's black and twelve inches long?
A Maglite.
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Why did Susie start shaking?
She had continuous seizures.
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Why is Osama dead?
He got shot.
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So a Hispanic, African-American, Jewish, and Asian man were walking down the street.
They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.
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