Dark Humor Jokes

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Me: Flips pillow to cold side Everyone at my funeral

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Everything has changed, including the barbecue equipment

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Lord, give me a sign

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Finally going out with my Boo this weekend. Nothing wrong with young guys dating older women, but please don't dig them

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My half brother and I aren't allowed to play with chainsaws any more.

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Get the body you’ve always wanted this summer!

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When the grandkids are downstairs playing Fortnite and grandpa is upstairs playing tomb raider

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Пресичайки улицата Иван първо погледна наляво, а после в очите на свети Петър

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Just buried

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Driving down the road and Saw my ex.
It's funny how "I'd hit that" Changes meaning over the Years.

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"Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through it."
I probably should have told her about the new electric fence.

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Home Alone - the end

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People with these cars can easily steal your girl!

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Poor, rich, ultra rich

Poor, rich, ultra rich

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What creature has four legs and one hand?
A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.

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There’s an evil rumor going around that I’m a hаrdсоrе gambler. I don’t know what ваsтаrd is spreading such lies, but I’d bet serious money on it being Mike.

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It really makes me mad when I hear idiots saying that women belong in the kitchen. Such сrар. Who would clean the rest of the house?!

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Doctor:
“Do you do sports?”
Patient:
“Does sеx count?”
Doctor:
“Yes.”
Patient:
“Then no.”

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Patient:
“Doctor, I just feel so invisible, ignored… Like I didn’t even exist…”
Doctor:
“Next!”

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(Girl to a guy standing on the railing in the middle of a tall bridge)
“No! Please don't jump!”
(pulls out phone and turns on camera)
“OK, go ahead!”

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