Dentist Jokes - Page 5

What did the teeth say to the dentist?

So when are we going out?

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Dentist Jokes

President Bush can't find WMD in Iraq, and can't do anything about gas prices, so he's come out for "Intelligent Design". I guess that shows that religion, not patriotism, is the last refuge of a politician.

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Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck? Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn't know how? Is there an inner Cletus inside that dapper and dignified image, just hollerin' to get out? Well, now, Mister Corporate High-flyer, YOU can become the redneck you have always wanted to be! Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of вееr. That is all you will need to start! Now follow the 35 SIMPLE and EASY guidelines in our manual! Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE during WORKING HOURS. 1) We assume you are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is also assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black captoe leather shoes and silk business socks, a $2,000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching pocket square and suspenders, a starched white shirt, monogrammed cufflinks, silver tiepin and a Rolex. If you are not dressed like this, stop NOW and continue when you are. FIRST, untie and remove high-and-mighty mirror-shined executive shoes. Peel off fancy socks. DO THIS NOW! This is NOT optional! Be warned: these shoes and socks have been vital to your identity until now, so do not deceive yourself; this will be a challenge to a true yuppie executive. They MUST be removed to move forward into the wonderful new world that awaits you. (Note: This will also work with Johnston & Murphy wingtips or those Italian loafers with those little tassels on them.) 2) Stuff silk socks in shiny shoes and drop in garbage can. 3) *URGENT* Do not, under any circumstances, put shoes back on. You MUST remain barefoot. If you fail, return to step one. This will take discipline! This is where most would-be bubbas fail! You will be tempted to put them back on - resist this! If you have trouble, don't hesitate to call our 800 emergency number. A bona fide trained Bubba coach will help you. 4) The following is guaranteed to help bring you off your high horse in a hurry, and into the redneck world! Trust us! Prop bare feet on polished office desk, with soles facing open office door. Do NOT remove feet from desk, even when co-workers, clients and/or boss enter office. 5) Remove cufflinks and scratch soles of feet with them when others enter office and during office conference. Put cufflinks back on. 6) Use necktie to wipe nose. 7) Use tiepin and/or collar stud to clean toenails. Put tiepin or collar stud back in tie or shirt. Eat lunch with knife only. Wipe dirтy knife on otherwise spotless business suit. 9) Reach under suit trouser leg and scratch. Scratch under arms. 10) Open can of вееr. Drink rapidly and belch loudly. Practice! Dribble on business suit. Discarded business socks may be used to wipe mouth. Repeat. Pile cans on expensive office carpet. 11) Shout with laughter for no reason. Note: Do NOT be concerned if you experience concern about your dignity. Your dignity will soon disappear! Do not worry! 12) Place tobacco in mouth; place in back of cheek. Practice spitting streams of tobacco juice on to computer screen, or on polished office floor, or on important presentation, or in the cuffs of the trousers of your pinstriped suit. Brooks Brothers shoes may also serve as spittoon. Note: This is the ONLY time when you may retrieve shoes from garbage! See Step #3. 13) Untie and remove natty silk necktie, unfasten and remove gold monogrammed cufflinks, pluck pocket square from suit, unfasten tiepin, unbutton and pull out suspenders and slide Rolex off wrist. Drop ALL items in garbage can. 14) Sтriр off classy, expensive tailored Armani business suit, starched shirt and designer underwear. Toss in garbage can. Note: Removal of business suit can be traumatic for an uppity upper class businessman. It is comparable to an operation. Be prepared for shock to system. 15) Add briefcase, cell phone and day-timer. 16) Cut up credit cards and throw away wallet. 17) Cut up Ivy League degree. 18) Put on overalls. Walk around in hem to get used to your new look. 19) Practice poor posture and sluggish walk. 20) Cancel subscriptions to Wall Street Journal and New York Times. Have cable disconnected. 21) If you have not already been fired, quit high-paying prestigious white-collar job and stop working altogether. Alternative: become a garbage man or janitor or sling hash in a diner. 22) Make appointment with dentist. Have front teeth removed. 23) Make appointment with surgeon. Have all hair on top of head removed through electrolysis. Let hair grow on sides and back. 24) Shave ONLY twice a week. Be careful to leave stubble at all times. 25) Bathe ONLY twice a week. 26) Begin intensive redneck language course. Do not use more than five words in a sentence. Drop all "NG" endings from words - "havin" instead of "having". Learn to yelp and whoop and holler. 27) Sell Porsche. 28) Buy used pickup. 29) Sell condo. 30) Buy dilapidated shack in backwoods and shotgun rack. 31) Give or throw away all remaining clothes: business suits, ties, shoes, socks, shirts, and accessories, including Burberry tuxedo, overcoat and patent leather pumps worn to corporate black tie events. NOTHING can be retained. 32) Sell stocks and bonds and give all proceeds from these and sale of car and home to a redneck charity. You will NOT need money. 33) Watch NASCAR and pro-wrestling every day. Do NOT miss any episodes. 34) Find wrecked car and leave in front of shack. 35) Have name changed legally from "Mark" or "Andrew" or "Kevin" to "Cletus" or "Bubba" or "Jed". Congratulations! You, Sir, are now the Redneck you have dreamed of becoming! Satisfaction Guaranteed! And no one will ever call you "sir" again!

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Steve phoned his dentist when he received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" he complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."

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Dentist Jokes

Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband:
Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sеx for a three weeks...
Husband:
And what the dentist said?

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Dentists. Doesn't your mouth just hurt when you hear that word? Not only painful - but expensive.

"That'll be 5,000 dollars."

"What? Why?"

"The price of gold went up."

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Dentist Jokes

A boy met a girl....

Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.

Boy (smiling): Why thank you... are you single?

Girl: No, I am a dentist.

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20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters II
11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.

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Patient: It must be tough spending all day with your hands inside someone's mouth?

Dentist: I prefer to think of it as having my hands inside their wallet.

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Dentist Jokes

Patient- Dr. How much it will cost me to extract my two teeth?
Dentist- $300 US dollars

Patient- How much time it will take?
Dentist- Five minutes

Patient- Five minutes only & it's $300 US dollars! Don't you think that is too expensive?
Dentist- I can do it in 30 minutes if you want?

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Dentist Jokes

After cleaning his patient’s teeth, the dentist accompanied the five year old boy to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door.

“It’s heavy, isn’t it?” asked the dentist.

“Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?”

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Dentist Jokes

One day an extremely nervous dental patient came for a root-canal surgery. He was brought into the examining room and made comfortable in the reclining dental chair. The dentist then injected a numbing agent around the patient's tooth, and left the room for a few minutes while the medication took hold.

When the dentist returned, the patient was standing next to a tray of dental equipment, "What are you doing by the surgical instruments?" asked the surprised dentist.

Focused on his task, the patient replied, "I'm taking out the ones I don't like."

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Dentist Jokes

Everywhere I went I kept hearing about BLUETOOTH...

So I finally went to my dentist and asked, "What's the best way to prevent it?"

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Dentist Jokes

Did you hear about the dentist & the manicurist who got married?

They fought tooth & nail.

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Dentist (to the patient:
"For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet."
Patient:
"Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."

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My dental hygienist retired, after 55 years of working...

All she got was a lousy plaque.

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Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.

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Dentist Jokes

My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

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Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!

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"An aide to the prime minister of Canada called President Bush a моrоn. Well that's not fair. Here's a guy who never worked a day in his life, got rich off his Dad's money, lost the popular vote and ended up president. That's not a моrоn, that's genius!"
Jay Leno

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