Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

“The patient asked the doctor, "Will the jab hurt?" He replied, "Needless to say, no."”

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Doctor: Have you ever had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Its рissing down and this мidgет goes to the doctors and says "Every time it rains my fаnny gets sore".
He tells her to hop onto the examining couch. He bends over and looks up her skirt. "I see the problem," he says. And taking a pair of scissors shoves them up her skirt. Snip snip snip snip he goes with the scissors. "There that's fixed it" he says. "Your fаnny wont be sore any more"
"Did you operate on my fаnny doctor?" asks the мidgет.
"No" said the doctor, "I cut 2 inches off the tops of your wellingtons".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.
After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says,
"We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies,
"Since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uтеrus."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Pregnancy Jokes

A guy goes to see the doctor for his aching shoulder problem. The doctor said,
"Okay, it is a bit inflamed. What I want you to do is put a bag of frozen peas on it, on and off for a week."
"The peas will work?" the guy asked.
The doctor replies,
"Yes, just give peas a chance."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor: Sir, i'm afraid your DNA is backwards
Me: And ?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack.
His heart is too smart to not attack him.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A woman brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated 'right' as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:
"Put two drops in R ear every four hours."

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Pharmacist Jokes

A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on notecards.
Unfortunately, when he gets up to the podium, he finds that he just can’t read his own notes. So, he says to the audience, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Pharmacist Jokes

Chuck Norris was once hospitalised, becaused he kicked his own аss.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned. The doctor asked,
"What happened?"
The blonde said,
"Well, I was ironing my husband's shirt until the phone rang. I picked it up and half my face was burnt!"
The doctor replied,
"What about the other half?"
The blonde answered,
"They called back."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

Doctor: Are you still taking the cough medicine I gave you?
Patient: No, I tasted it and decided I'd rather have the cough.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A graverdigger, walking in the streets of a small town chanced to turn and noticed two doctors walking behind him. He stopped until they passed and then followed on behind them.
"And why this?" asked the doctors.
"I know my place in this procession," he said.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said,
"Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself."
"Don't be sтuрid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy."
"How?" asked Joe.
"Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?"
"I clean out septic tanks," Joe replied.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

"Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient.
"I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid."
"The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it's your fork."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

After some time I saw my doctor and he prescribed me a receipt, but he had prescribed me this receipt in the name of his mother Mrs. Ingrid, by mistake.
I didn´t notice it, took this receipt, went to the drug-store, gave the receipt to the pharmacist together with the insurance card with the name John on it.
The pharmacist took a look at me and has told me:
"Dear, Mrs. Ingrid the name on the receipt doesn´t correspond with the name on the insurance card."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes Insurance Comedy

A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes

An elderly man goes into his doctor’s office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says:
"I'm sorry, Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition that only allows you another six weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replies,
"I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment, the doctor says:
"Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa to take a mud bath every day."
"And that will cure me?" Bill asks excitedly."No,"
Replies the doctor:
"But it will get you used to the dirt."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

I went to the doctor to see if he can help me to stop smoking .
He suggested that every time I felt like smoking I should reach for a chocolate bar.
It didn't work, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the chocolate bar to light.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Chuck Norris's tears can cure every type of cancer, the only problem is he never cried.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes