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“Doctor, my husband prefers to маsтurвате rather than have sеx with me, can you suggest anything? ”
“Have you tried wearing anything to make sеx more appealing to him? ”
“Yes doctor, sеxy underwear, stockings, boots, garters, I’ve tried the lot, ”
“No, I meant like a brown paper bag, or something. ”
A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically in good condition for their age, but if they are having trouble remembering they might want to start writing things down to help them. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" his wife asks.
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks, recalling the doctor's suggestion.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says,
"I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says,
"I don't need to write it down. Just don't start with that! Leave me alone!! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles on into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says,
"Where's my toast?"
First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor began the lecture by telling them:
“In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the аnus of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.
“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the вuтт of the dead body and suскing on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said,
“The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and suскеd on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”