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Food Jokes

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Me and my friend were roasting each other
She : you look like a reese’s cup
Me:your so old your рuвiс hairs are 50 shades of gray

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Food Jokes

Friend… You so ugly. Me… You can’t be talking you give Freddy Krueger nightmares

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Food Jokes

My friend; yo stupid
Me; is that right and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you einstien
My friend; rolls eyes and says whatever
Me; keep on rolling them you might find your brain in there

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Food Jokes

I’d Hit You But I Don’t Wanna Go To Jail For Animal Abuse.

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Food Jokes

What animal gets easily offended?
The chicken; they always get roasted.

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Food Jokes

Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?
It has better reflexes than the twin towers.

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Food Jokes

My mum told me to take out the trash but i couldn’t find you

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Food Jokes

When ordering a pizza ask that it be cut in 4 slices in place of the normal 8 slices...
That way, it only counts as 4 slices on your diet!

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Food Jokes

People worry about health at the wrong times, you ever notice that? 'Ooh, there's a hair in my food.' You're eating bacon -- there's a pig's аss in your food.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

It's so hot here where I live in Florida, that I walked to the store and bought some cookie dough ice cream, and by the time I got home it was cookies.

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Food Jokes

Q. Why do Jews hate German food?
A. It gives them gas!

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Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

I had a chance to go bungee cord jumping last week. They make it look cool on TV, don't they? You always see people doing those sports in Mountain Dew commercials: risking their life, sipping a Dew. If you're jumping out of a balloon, hooked to a rubber band, Mountain Dew is just a chaser for the stuff you're drinking. That's just to make the codeine taste lemony.

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Sports Jokes Food Jokes

If one could get salmonella from eating raw chicken...
Can one get chickenella from eating raw salmon?

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Food Jokes

What does the dish scrambled eggs and brains have in common? Ignorant people!

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Food Jokes

Judge: Do you mix horse meat with chicken?
Defendant: Yes, my lord.
Judge; How much.
Defendant: 50:50
Judge: Please elaborate.
Defendant: One horse to one chicken.

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Food Jokes

A mother has realized that her three little boys have been sick lately she takes her children to the local doctor and the doctor runs some test and says the kids are low in iron in there blood so she decides to go to the local hardware store and buy some iron BBs and starts putting them in the kids food. A couple days later the youngest one come up to his mother and he tells her that he has been рissing BBs so the mom tells him not to worry bout it cause she has to iron BBs in their food so the iron levels in his blood and the youngest walks away ok with it then later that day the middle child comes up to his mother complaining about how he has been shiттing BBs and the mother tells him the same thing as the little one but then after the middle one walks away the oldest come up to her and before he says anything the mom says let me guess u have been passing BBs to and the oldest responds with no i was out behind the shed jacking off and i shot the dog

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

A man called his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said,
"Why are you so weak?"
She said,
"Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said,
"That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes

Your mother was the only one that knew how long you could wait after you eat before you could go swimming. My mother would look at me, 'What did you have? Ham and cheese, mayonnaise? Thirty-eight minutes.'

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Food Jokes

Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:
1. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
2. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men.
3. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
4. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom.
5. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
6. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
7. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
8. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes