Food Jokes

What's worse than seeing a worm in your apple?
Seeing half a worm!

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Facebook is like a fridge. Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.

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Facebook Jokes Food Jokes History Jokes

If we are not to have a midnight snack, then why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

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Attitude Jokes Food Jokes

On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight."
The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again."
A new slаvе next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?"
"This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Military Jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner.
As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle.
When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish.
The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow.
The diner agrees.
The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the теsтiсlе dish.
When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small.
He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies: "Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins".

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Teacher: Now, Ramu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Ramu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes Food Jokes

I'm on a seafood diet.
When I see food, I eat it.

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Food Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was вrеаsт-fed or bottle-fed.
"Вrеаsт-fed," she replied.
"Sтriр down to your waist," the Doctor said. She did. He pinched her niррlеs, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both вrеаsтs for awhile in a detailed examination. Motioning her to get dressed, he said,
"No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes Baby Jokes

Chuck Norris really can get chicken from a tuna can.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rестuм, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rестuм and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rестuм should be the boss.
The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... the аsshоlе is usually in charge.

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Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Management Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!"
as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

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Food Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Love Jokes

Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs.
One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets."
Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant.
The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here."
"But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog."
The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table.
His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine.
"You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says.
"A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"

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Pet Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes Dog jokes Restaurant Jokes

A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Food Jokes Wine jokes

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
Great food but no atmosphere.

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Space jokes Food Jokes Waiter Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Me: I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.
Friend: How?
Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.

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Diet and Weight Loss Jokes Food Jokes Friendship Jokes

Waiter:
"How do you like your steak, sir?"
Sir:
"Like winning an argument with my wife."
Waiter:
"Rare it is."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.

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Food Jokes Communication Jokes Restaurant Jokes

You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.

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Food Jokes

Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes