Funny sayings

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“There are days when you just want to envelop everybody with light and warmth… preferably through the use of a flamethrower.”

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Funny sayings

“I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!”

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Funny sayings

“Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.”

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Funny sayings

“When people tell me that I’ll regret something in the morning, I just sleep until noon. I’m a problem solver.”

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Funny sayings

“I’m not ignoring the alarm clock, I’m waiting to see who breaks first.”

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Funny sayings

“Smile like a monkey with a new banana.”

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Funny sayings

“Your bank account can always be overdrawn. It’ll never be overfilled.”

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Funny sayings Banker Jokes

“Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to come.”

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Funny sayings

“Halloween dress code requirements: whatever will get me most candy.”

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Funny sayings Halloween Jokes

“I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.”

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Funny sayings

“If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.”

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Funny sayings

“How many times must I flush before you finally go away?”

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Funny sayings

“I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.”

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Funny sayings

“Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hеll for your reputation.”

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Funny sayings

“Dear math exercise book, kindly grow up finally and solve your own problems!”

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Funny sayings

“I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy, but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.”

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Funny sayings

“Do not argue with an idiот. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”

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Funny sayings

“Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?”

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Funny sayings

“I’m not clumsy, The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.”

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Funny sayings

“An idea is only sтuрid if it doesn’t work.”

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Funny sayings

“If the broom fits, fly it!”

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Funny sayings

“I like to be an optimist. It рissеs people off.”

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Funny sayings

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”

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Funny sayings

“All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of potato сhiрs.”

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Funny sayings

“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed.”

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Funny sayings

“I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.”

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Funny sayings

“My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, it makes me cry.”

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Funny sayings

“Today I laughed until my abs were tired, so I skipped the gym.”

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Funny sayings Fitness jokes

“I’m never wrong. I’m just different levels of right.”

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Funny sayings

“We can’t all be princesses. Someone has to wave when I roll by.”

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Funny sayings