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Funny sayings

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“The perfect man doesn’t swear, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t drink. He also doesn’t exist.”
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“The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions.”
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““Stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backwards.”
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“Hard work pays off in the future. Lounging on the couch pays off right now.”
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“Finally, spring is here! I’m so thrilled I wet my plants.”
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“Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesn’t change after I’ve had that coffee, but it feels much better.”
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“Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones at the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.”
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“The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.”
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“The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.”
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“They say money doesn’t bring you happiness. Still, it is better to verify things for yourself.”
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“Smile! It makes people wonder what you are up to.”
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“The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second checkout lane.”
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“The snorers are always the ones to fall asleep first.”
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“Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.”
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“Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.”
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“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
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“I’d like to help you out today. Which way did you come in?”
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“Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.”
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“Chocolate doesn’t ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands.”
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“I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago.”
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