Good jokes

Most popular in this category

I sniffed some Coke when I was a teenager, just to see what it’s like, but the bubbles were just too unpleasant in my nose.

0 0

Good jokes

Do you know the difference between a living room and a bathroom?
- [No] -
No? Oh, I don’t even want to know what your place looks like.

0 0

Good jokes

In the World War II, the Soviets used the raised fist, the Germans the raised hand and the Americans the two fingers of V for victory as a greeting. Sounds suspiciously like a secret game of rock, paper, scissors to me.

0 0

Good jokes

College is really just kidnapping done backwards.
If you don’t give us a ridiculously large amount of money, we’ll send you your child back.”

0 0

Good jokes

“Captain, we ran out of ice cubes!”
Captain:
“I have an idea. Machine room: 10 degrees starboard!”
(True story of the Titanic)

0 0

Good jokes

If somebody calls you ugly, you can just say, “You’ve mistaken me for your mirror again, didn’t you?

0 0

Good jokes

Why does a French airport strike always have to last a few days?
So that people can distinguish between a strike and a regular delay.

0 0

Good jokes

A plane with 4 people on board is about to crash. The 4 people are the pilot, the president, the world’s smartest man and a ten-year-old. They only have 3 parachutes between them.
The president cries:
“I’m the president, people need me to live!” and he jumps out.
The world’s smartest man cries, “I’m the world’s smartest man, I’m needed in the world!” and he jumps out.
The pilot sighs and says, “You take the last parachute, kid, I’ll go down with the plane, that’s my job.”
The kid smiles, “No need, there are still two parachutes left. The world’s smartest man took my backpack.”

0 0

Good jokes

Little Johnny comes home from school and says, “We did a test today mom, and I only answered one question wrong.”
Mommy says, “Oh, nice, so you got a good mark, right?”
Little Johnny replies, “Not really. I didn’t answer the other questions at all.”

0 0

Good jokes

What do you get on the ocean surface in really gentle wind?
Microwaves.

0 0

Good jokes

What sign has probably never been made in Braille?
“Danger, do not touch.”

0 0

Good jokes

Father is giving his son some life advice.
Father:
“If you want to be a good man, you must be honest and cautious in life.”
Son:
“And what does that mean?”
Father:
“You must fulfill everything you’ve promised.”
Son:
“And cautious?”
Father:
“Never make any promises.”

0 0

Good jokes

Some people see “Buy two beers, get three!”
I see “Buy eight beers, get twelve!”

0 0

Good jokes

A cowboy walks into a saloon. He draws his revolvers and within 30 seconds, shoots everyone except a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. He saunters closer and asks, “So what’s a beautiful gal like yourself doing here all alone?”

0 0

Good jokes

What’s the difference between a mirage and a Tinder date?
One is an optical illusion, the other is an optical disillusion.

0 0

Good jokes

What does it mean when there’s a black flag hanging out on a company building?
They’re advertising an unexpected vacancy.

0 0

Good jokes

Breaking news: Yesterday morning, terrorists occupied the strategically placed Jameson whiskey distillery in Dublin. They still haven’t been able to formulate their demands.

0 0

Good jokes

What’s the difference between a running and a flying mouse?
The flying one has a hawk attached to its back.

0 0

Good jokes

What five-letter-word starts with a “P” and ends with and “s”?
Pants. You pig.

0 0

Good jokes

Husband:
“Do you want some fries, honey?”
Wife:
“No, they just make me fат.”
*** WARNING! From now on, every sentence could be deadly. ***

0 0

Good jokes