Insult Jokes

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How to be Insulting in the Street: Find a bus stop with a waste bin attached to it. Hide a small bottle of champagne and a leg of chicken in the bottom. Wait for a queue to form at the bus stop, then go and rummage in the gutter, and finally look in the bin. Find the things you've hidden, and devour them in front of the people waiting for the bus.

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Insult Jokes

How to be Insulting in Banks: Take a tape recorder with you to the meeting with the manager. Say nothing the entire time, but simply record all he says to you. Then when he's finished play it back to him at twice the speed and leave.

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Insult Jokes

How to be Insulting in the Street: Wave frantically across the street to people who are trying to ignore you and try to attract as much attention to them as you can.

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Insult Jokes

How to be Insulting on the Beach: Sit by the water with a fishing rod, and throw revolting lumps of old bread into the water where the children are enjoying themselves.

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Insult Jokes

How to be Insulting in the Street: Approach a complete stranger as if you are about to welcome them warmly, but instead walk straight past and disappear into a shop.

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Insult Jokes

How to be Insulting in the Street: Walk along as if you have stepped in something unpleasant, by pretending to scrape your feet along the pavement, or rubbing your soles on any available patches of grass. Then look daggers at anyone walking a dog.

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Insult Jokes

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.

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Insult Jokes Christmas Jokes

How to be Insulting in Church: Sing out of tune in all the hymns and try singing half a line behind everyone else.

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Insult Jokes

How to be Insulting in Theaters: Noisy wrappings on sweets can be unwrapped at moments of tension when the rest of the theatre is silent.

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Insult Jokes

How to be insulting at the library: Find the coziest reading nook and start snoring.

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Insult Jokes

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies,
"Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says,
"Oi, you вlооdy idiот." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's this?" The bartender replies,
"Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."

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Insult Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A fат man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fат guy and tells him, "Sorry about your weight."

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Insult Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Fat Jokes

You've got your head so far up your аss you can chew your food twice.

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Insult Jokes Food Jokes

Teacher:
"It's better to fail than to cheat!"
Me:
"Lol no b*tch. It's better to cheat than to repeat”

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Insult Jokes

Mom : come spend time with the family .
Me : *goes and sits with family*
Me : *gets insulted by everyone*
Me : *goes back to room*

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Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes

Me:
"Girl you're like the sun."
Her:
"Aww, because Im hot?"
Me:
"No cus you go down every night."

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Insult Jokes

Student: Every day i'm shuffling... d(-.-)b
Teacher: Stop!
Student: Sorry for parting rocking.
Teacher: Who do you think you are?!
Student: I'm sеxy and I know it.

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Insult Jokes

Mom: hey can you grab me that magazine?
Me: You know, God gave you 2 legs for a reason
Mom: and he also gave me 3 children for a reason, so go get me the magazine.

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Insult Jokes God Jokes

Boy: your ugly
Girl: no cause that would make us twins.

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Insult Jokes

You're so ugly that when you walk through a haunted house you come out with a paycheck.

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Insult Jokes