Halloween Jokes

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I’m not saying my wife’s ugly, but she went next door to tell them to keep the noise down and she came back with some Haribo.

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Halloween Jokes

Last Halloween I shouted through to the wife.
“Honey there’s a witch at the door what shall I do?”
She replied, “Just give her some sweets and tell her to fuск off.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

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Halloween Jokes

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.

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Halloween Jokes

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room.
Fifteen minutes later she came back completely nакеd except for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself.
Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a potato around his manhood. His wife gave him a weird look and then the husband replied, “If you’re going as a sour-рuss, I’m going as a dictator.”

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Halloween Jokes

With Halloween coming up I decided to go to my local fancy dress shop to see if I could get a Dracula costume.
After a few minutes the assistant handed me a Liverpool shirt.
“I think you have misheard me,” I said. “I wanted to look like a count.”

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Halloween Jokes

This year I’m going to a Halloween party in liverpool dressed as a job application form.
That should scare the shiт out of everyone.

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Halloween Jokes

Just got a knock at the door. Thought it was trick-or-treat.
The bloke at the door said “Do you believe in free speech?”
I said “Of course.”
He said “Can I use your phone?”

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Halloween Jokes

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

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Halloween Jokes

I don’t think we will be calling any evil spirits to make their presence known this year on our annual Halloween get together.
Last year we were all sitting around the table when I said,
“Evil spirit, give us some kind of sign that you are among us this dark evening!”
That was when my fсuкing wife walked into the room!

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Halloween Jokes

I'm dressing like a Dodger this Halloween. I'm going as a loser!

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Sports Jokes Halloween Jokes

The landlord at my local pub announced there’s going to be a hefty cash prize for this years best costume for Halloween.
Last year my wife won it and she only fuскing came to pick me up.

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Halloween Jokes

I’ve just found out my ex girlfriend is having a Titanic themed fancy dress Halloween party.
I’m not invited so I’m going to go as an Iceberg and crash the party.

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Halloween Jokes

Dracula walks into a bar…
The bartender asks, “What’ll you have?”
Dracula answers, “I will have a glass of boiling hot water.”
The bartender nods and prepares his drink. After serving it, the barkeep says, “Anything for you sir, but I am perplexed, I thought your kind drank blood.”
Dracula retorts, “Oh, we do,” and takes a used тамроn out of his pocket. Holding it by the string, and dipping it up and down he says, “I’m having hot tea.”

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Halloween Jokes

I think this year for Halloween I’m going to go out as a blessing in disguise

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Halloween Jokes

Dear Girls : No Need To Do Anything For Halloween … Just Remove The Makeup And Go To The Party

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Halloween Jokes

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

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Halloween Jokes

You so ugly on Halloween someone said scary costume.

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Halloween Jokes

I won first prize at the Halloween party for best costume which was male genitalia.
I never even entered. I just went to pick my wife up and forgot to take off my bluetooth headset.

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Men jokes Halloween Jokes

Instead of yelling boo this Halloween, yell something scarier like 'commitment!' or 'college tuition!'

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Halloween Jokes

Thought of the day: Just think about how slutty girls would dress if Halloween was in July.

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Halloween Jokes