Halloween Jokes

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Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes School Jokes Vampire jokes
There is this taxi driver in New York City, and it is nearing the end of his shift but he decides that he will pick up one more person before he turns in for the night.
So he stops and pulls over and a nun gets in the car. She tells him where to go and they start off. It is a long drive and the driver keeps looking at the nun through the rear view mirror of his cab.
Now, the nun is getting very upset by this and says, "Um...can I help you??!!"
The taxi driver looks very embarrassed and says, "I'm sorry, it's very embarrassing, I cannot say."
And the nun looks at him and says, "Now, my son, I have been in this business far too long to be disturbed by anything you have to say, so go ahead."
The driver thinks for a minute and says, "Ok, well, for as long as I can remember, I have had the biggest fantasy about kissing a nun."
She looks amused at first then replies, "Well, I think I can help you with that, but first you must promise me two things, the first is that you are a Catholic, the second is that you are single. If you can promise this, I shall give you what you ask for."
And the driver says, "Great!! Sure I'm a single Catholic!!"
So they pull into an alley and the nun crawls into the front seat of the cab and gives the driver an amazing kiss. Роrn stars would be envious of this kiss. And they finish up and get back on the road.
Soon the taxi driver starts looking nervous and peering at the nun in the rear view mirror again. Just staring at her, and when the nun asks him why he is staring and he says,
"Well, I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you. You see, I'm not a catholic, and I'm also married."
The nun smiles and says,
"Well, I haven't been honest with you either...My name is Kevin, and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Gay and Lesbian Jokes Halloween Jokes
Redneck jokes Halloween Jokes
Q) Why wouldn't the skeleton go skydiving?
A) He didn't have the guts for it. Q) How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A) Tickle his funny воnе. Q) Why wasn't the skeleton afraid of the policeman?
A) He knew they couldn't pin anything on him. Q) What room can a skeleton not go into?
A) The living room Q) Why do skeletons make bad miners?
A) Because they only go six feet under Q) How did the skeleton know that it was going to rain?
A) He could feel it in his bones. Q) What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
A) Spare ribs Q) What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
A) I'll have a вееr and a mop. Q) What did the skeleton wear on Halloween?
A) A human costume Q) Why are skeletons always so calm?
A) Because nothing gets under their skin Q) What do skeletons say before they begin eating?
A) Bon appetit! Q) Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A) Because they have no organs. Q) What's a skeleton's favorite weapon?
A) A bow and marrow. Q) Where did the skeleton keep his pet bird?
A) In his rib cage Q) What do you call a skeleton who uses the doorbell?
A) A dead ringer Q) What do you call the lie told by a skeleton?
A) A little fib-ula Q) What do skeletons do on New Year's Eve?
A) Eat, drink and be scary Q) Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A) To go to the body shop Q) What did the boss call his incompetent employee?
A) A bonehead Q) What did the skeleton say when he rode his Harley?
A) Воnе to be wild! Q) Why did the little skeleton want to quit the football team?
A) Because his heart wasn't in it Q) Why didn't the little skeleton want to get up in the morning?
A) He was a lazy bones. Q) Where do teenage skeletons go to class?
A) High skull Q) What instrument did the little skeleton want to play?
A) The trombone Q) Why wouldn't the little skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A) He didn't have the stomach for it. Q) Why did the mother keep telling the little skeleton to drink his milk?
A) Because milk is good for the bones Q) Why did the little skeleton laugh at the joke?
A) Because he thought it was humerus Q) Why did the little skeleton do extra work?
A) Because he wanted the воnе-us points Q) Why didn't the little skeleton want to go to the dance?
A) He had no body to go with. Q) What instrument did the little skeleton want to play?
A) The trombone Q) Why wouldn't the little skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A) He didn't have the stomach for it. Q) Why did the little skeleton hate the winter?
A) Because the wind went right through him
Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Halloween Jokes Beer Jokes Restaurant Jokes Boss Jokes
Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A: At the casketeria. Q: What part of the street do vampires live on?
A: The dead end. Q: What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin-pi! Q: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
A: It Sphinx! Q: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
A: Count Spatula. Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
A: Spooktacles Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving! Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite cereal?
A: Rice Creepies. Q: Where do ghosts go on holidays?
A: The Boohamas. Q: What did one ghost say to the other?
A: Get a life! Q: What did the fisherman say on Halloween?
A: Trick or trout. How do ghosts search the Q: Web?
A: They use ghoul-gle. Q: What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A: A fence. Q: Who do monsters buy cookies from?
A: Ghoul scouts. Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there! Q: Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?
A: Because they just had their brains scooped out! Q: Where is the best place to party on Halloween?
A: The g-RAVE-yard. Q: Why did the baby wrap itself in white cloth strips?
A: It was just trying to be just like its mummy. Q: Why do ghosts like to hang out at bars?
A: Because all of the Boos. Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body.
Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes Vampire jokes
Q: Where do ghosts buy their Halloween candy?
A: At the ghost-ery store! Q: What do owls say when they go trick or treating?
A: Happy Owl-ween! Q: What do ghosts give out to trick or treaters?
A: Booberries! Q: Who did Frankenstein go trick or treating with?
A: His ghoul friend. Q: What Halloween candy is never on time for the party?
A: Choco-LATE! Q: Which type of pants do ghosts wear to trick or treat?
A: Boo jeans. Q: What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging?
A: You never know which witch is which! Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
A: Prank-enstein! Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
A: Straw-berries. Q: What does a witch use to do her hair?
A: Scarespray! Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A: He is мisт. Q:How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A: A pumpkin patch. Q: Why don’t vampires have more friends?
A: Because they are a pain in the neck. Q: What position does a ghost play in hockey?
A: Ghoulie. Q: What do you give a vampire when he’s sick?
A: Coffin-drops. Q: What is a ghost's nose full of?
A: Boooooogers! Q: Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?
A: People are just dying to get in. Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept.
Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes Vampire jokes
Q) Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
A) It didn’t have a haunting license.
Q) What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
A) The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Q) Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
A) Because they were trans-parents!
Q) Which ghost is the best dancer?
A) The Boogie Man!
Q) Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
A) It raises their spirits.
Q) What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A)Bamboo.
Q) Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
A) It dampens their spirits!
Q) What part of a house do ghosts and spirits avoid?
A) The living room.
Q) Why are ghosts such terrible liars?
A) Because you can see right through them.
Q) How did the little ghost learn to play the piano?
A) By using sheet music
Q) Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A) For the Boos.
Q) Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A) Mali-boo.
Police Officer Jokes Halloween Jokes