Kids Jokes

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Little Johnny asked his mom:
“Mommy, where’s Grandpa?”
Mommy replies:
“Oh, my little boy. We’ve talked about this, remember? He fell down from a really steep ladder and now he’s in heaven.”
“Yeesh”, says little Johnny, “that must have been quite a bounce!”

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What is the single most popular subject at a snake school? Hisssstory.

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Raphael runs to his father and starts talking to him urgently, “Dad, dad…”
His father turns to him angrily and says, “I’ve had it with you constantly interrupting me. From now on you’ll speak only when I’ve asked you something!”
Raphael thinks for a second and continues, “OK dad, can you please ask me if you’ve forgotten to put in the handbrake and if your car is now rolling down the road?”

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Why did the teacher have to visit the eye specialist?
She just couldn't control her pupils!

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Teacher:
“I hope I won’t catch you copying from Clarissa!”
Paula:
“Oh, I hope so too!“

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Why did the bird have to go to the hospital?
He was scheduled for a tweetment.

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What keeps going up and down but doesn't move? - The temperature!

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Can you name a city where no one ever goes? - Electricity.

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Why does the traffic light go red sometimes?
So would you if you had to change in the middle of a busy intersection!

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Teacher:
"You got a zero in the last exam."
Roger:
"I don’t think I deserve a zero!"
Teacher:
"Neither do I. But I can’t go any lower than that."

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Why does Little Johnny always tiptoe past the medicine box?
He’s afraid what would happen if he woke up the sleeping pills.

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Cute little bunny walks into a pharmacy and asks if they have carrot ice cream.
“No. This is a pharmacy. We don’t sell ice cream.”
Bunny leaves. But it comes back the next day and again asks, “Do you have carrot ice cream?”
“No, Bunny! This is a pharmacy. We don’t sell ice cream!“
Bunny leaves – but comes again the next day. And the next day, and so on, until after about two weeks, the pharmacist caves in and personally gets carrot ice cream for the next time the bunny comes.
The bunny does come, and again asks, “Do you have carrot ice cream?”
“Today, Bunny, today we do!” smiles the pharmacist.
The bunny says:
“Well then don't eat it. It tastes horrible!“

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I have hands but I can never clap. What am I?
The clock.

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Little Johnny: Mom, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Johnny’s Mom: OK, let’s hear the good news first.
Little Johnny: I got a B in Math today.
Johnny’s Mom: That’s good! And now the bad one.
Little Johnny: That was a lie.

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Peter, where did you put the siеvе?
Sorry, mommy, I threw it away. There were too many holes in it.

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What do teachers and clouds have in common?
Everything brightens up when they go away.

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80 chimneys plus 5 chimneys plus 8 chimneys.
What is the result?
Lots of smoke.

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Father: And, how do you like going to school?
Son: Well, the going bit is OK, the coming home bit is fine too, but the time in between kind of ruins it!

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What is the preferred food of runners?
Fast food.

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Do trains eat? - Well they do go chew-chew…

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