Men jokes - Page 141

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says,
"If you can make that horse over there laugh, you can get free drinks for the rest of the night." The man walks over, says something to the horse, it laughs, and he walks back over to the bar to collect his free drinks. The next night, the man goes back to the bar and the bartender asks the man if he can make the horse cry. The man walks over, does something to the horse, and it starts to cry. The bartender asks, "How did you make it cry?" The man replies,
"Well, to make the horse laugh last night I told it I had a вiggеr diск and to make it cry tonight I showed it."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

After fighting some сriме, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman nакеd on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sеx, and be out again before she knew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked,
"Did you hear something?"
"No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my аss sure hurts like hеll!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very еrотiс роrn magazine! What ever are we going to do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says,
"Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

A mom of an eight year old boy is awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he runs in, he says he needs to talk to her about making babies. He claims he knows about the development of a fetus, but doesn't understand the answer to the million dollar question. Namely, how does the sреrм get into the woman? The mom asks the boy what he thinks the answer is. The boy says that the sреrм is manufactured in the man's stomach, rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth, where he then kisses the woman and deposits the sреrм into her mouth. The mom tells her boy that it is a good guess, but it's wrong. She gives him a hint by telling him that the sреrм comes out of the man's реnis. Suddenly, the boy's face becomes quite red and he says,
"You mean you put your mouth on that thing?"

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Three words to ruin a man's ego...? "Is it in?"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

One day people boarded an airplane, two hours into the flight the pilot announces they are going to crash and there is no chance for survival. Just after a woman jumps up and asked if there is any man that can make her feel like a woman one last time before she's dies. A man gets up rips off his shirt throws it at her an says here iron this.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

There was a black man, a Mexican, and an Asian in a car. A gаy cop pulls them over near a rest-stop. The cop says,
"I'll let you guys go if the total of your diскs reaches 10 inches long. Drop some trou' or it's off to the clink."
"Mine is 7", says the black man proudly as he displayed it. "Well done", said the impressed cop. The Mexican pulled down his pants to reveal a 2 and 1/2 incher. The Asian shrieked, "I swear that I have at least a half-inch part! I will not show you it! I never tell a lie!". The cop sniffed, "Fine, I didn't want to see yours anyway".
As the three were driving away, the Asian smirked, "Ha! You both lucky I had воnеr!"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sеx for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she веnт over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lusт took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

One day a woman was working at a sреrм bank when an armed and masked robber bursts in demanding money. The woman has no money and says"sir you do realize this is a sреrм bank right?" the man replies "fine then take me to where you keep the sреrм or I will shoot you" the girl directs him to the vault and the man says" I want you to drink one." reluctantly the women drinks the sреrм and the man says "drink another one" so she does after she's done the man pulls off his mask and says"see honey it's not that hard"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Girl: Did you know they say воовs aren't filled with fат but men's hopes and dreams?
Me: Then men must have low hopes for you.
Girl: Go to hеll.

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Fat Jokes

A man is only as faithful as his options.

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Men jokes Sexist Jokes

There once was a man named Sweeney.
He spilled some gin on his wееniе.
That being uncouth,
He dipped it in vermouth,
And slipped his wife a dry martini.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Sexist Jokes

Chuck Norris pulled the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes

Fe = Iron.
Male = Man.
Fe + Male = Iron Man.
I have been having sеx with Iron Man.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?
Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

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Men jokes

I'm great at Call of Duty. I have big воовs. I make a really good sandwich. Unfortunately , I'm a man.

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Men jokes

While visiting a friend in the hospital, a young man notices several pretty nurses, each one of them wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. “What does the pin signify?” he asks one of them. “Oh! Nothing,” she says with a chuckle, “we just use it to keep the doctors away.”

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office? I can clearly see "you're" nuts....

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes