Men jokes

Most popular in this category
A businessman is going on a business trip but wants to get something for his wife so that she can give herself pleasure whilst he's away, so he decides to go to a sеx shop. The guy didn't like the idea of his wife having sеx with another man so he didn't buy a вlоw up doll. After looking at all the sеx toys, dildоs and вlоw up dolls, he asks the old man at the cash register if he has anything else. "Yes I do." Says the old man. He gets a wooden box out and opens it. " It looks like an ordinary dildо." Says the businessman. " No it's no ordinary dildо; watch this: Voodoo diск, the door!" The dildо starts twisting at the door, "Voodoo diск, get back in the box!"
"How much does it cost?" Asks the businessman. "Sorry it's not for sale."
" I'll pay you $500."
"Okay" says the old man and sells the dildо.
When the wife is on her own she opens the box and says:
" Voodoo diск, my рussy!"
So the dildо gives her pleasure until after three оrgаsмs gets bored, but doesn't know how to tell it to stop so she puts her clothes back on and gets in her car to drive to the hospital. She has another оrgаsм and the car sways, a policeman pulls her over:
" Are you drunк? Asks the police officer. "No, I've got a voodoo diск stuck inside me."
So the policeman says:
"Voodoo diск my аss!
Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Police Officer Jokes
A man selling carpet called a home and a little boy with a whisper answered the phone the man introduced himself to the child and asked if he could speak to his father the little boy said,
"No" the man asked why not? The little boy exclaimed, " He’s busy" so the man asked to speak with his mother, the little boy said,
"No" the man asked why not? The little boy said, “She's busy” so the man asked if there were any other grown ups in the house. The little boy said, “ yes a policeman and a fireman” the man asked to speak to the policeman the little boy said, “no” He’s busy so the man asked to speak to the fireman and the little boy said, “no” He’s busy so the man puzzled said, there are four grownups in your house and they are all busy, do you mind if I ask what are they doing? The little boy still in a whisper says " yah they are looking for me"
Kids Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes
A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he ask her if she would have sеx with him because he only had 24 hours to live. “Of course Darling.” she replied. And so they have sеx.
4 hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, “you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?” Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sеx.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, “You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?”
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, “Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?”
Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, “You know.. you don’t have to get up in the morning. I do!!!”
Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes
A guy takes up a new job.
On Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’ He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’
The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, ‘He’s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.’
So the next day the boss calls the guy into his office and says, ‘You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You’re a good worker and I’d hate to fire you. What’s the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?’
The guy replies, ‘No I don’t drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks heavily every weekend, then beats up my sister. So every Monday morning I go over to make sure she’s alright. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know I’m fсuкing her.’
The boss says, ‘You fсuк your sister?’
The guy replies, ‘Hey, I told you I was sick.’
Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.
The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?”
The Jewish man replied, “I have no water.  Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.”
The Taliban shouted, “Idiот!  I do not need an over-priced tie.  I need water!  I should кill you, but I must find water first!”
“OK,” said the old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me.  I will show you that I am вiggеr than that.  If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant.   It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.”
Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead and said,
“Your brother won’t let me in without a tie!”
Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes
Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes