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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
“Free to good home. You want it, you take it”. For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:
“Fridge for sale $50”. The next day someone stole it.
Caution!
. . . . . . . . . . . These people Vote!
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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the North?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff”
. . . . . . . . . . She ALSO votes!
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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific”
. . . . . . . . He ALSO votes!
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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving”
. . . . . . . . . . . She ALSO votes!
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My sister has a lifesaving тооl in her car. It’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk
. . My sister ALSO votes!
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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, “Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?” I explained that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
. . . . . . . My friend ALSO votes!
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I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”
. . . . . . . . SHE ALSO votes!
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While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cutinto 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 .
. . . . . . . Yep, he votes too.
There is a man and a woman,they just met at a bar and started conversing, the woman is a easy going, always wanting to try new things type of person, the man is a hаrdсоrе hunter and hunting enthusiast, and very often goes hunting with his dogs.
The woman has never gone hunting before in her life, and has always wanted to
After 7 years of dating they decide to get married, and the man has promised to take her hunting the day after their wedding day.
The day comes, the man has gotten all of his equipment ready and packed his truck. BUT the weather is really bad; its cold, its raining and etc. ITS REALLY BAD WEATHER
The woman decides to tell her husband that she does not want to go hunting anymore.
The man, now disappointed and рissеd off, says to his wife "you have a choice, either you come and hunt with me or you вlоw me. Now im going to get the dogs ready, that will give you enough time to decide."
While her husband is away, she thinks about it.
When he comes back she tells him "well im not going hunting so i guess im going to have to вlоw you"
She starts blowing him and then stops for a moment, then says in a disgusted tone "aghh it tastes like s*it"
The man looks straight in the eye and says "well the dogs didnt want to go hunting either"
A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. “Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts.”
The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, “Hey, no sсrеwing!” They yell back, “We’re not sсrеwing!”
A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, “Hey, no sсrеwing!” Again they yell back, “We’re not sсrеwing!” Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, “Hey, I said no sсrеwing!” They yell back, “We’re not sсrеwing!”
Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He’s not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, “Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they’re sсrеwing.
This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.
He said,
"Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed. I had a roof over my head. I had TV and internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA online. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked,
"What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I just got out of prison."