Men jokes - Page 246

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat’, agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbor’s were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his еrестiоn and he will be able to withdraw..”
“Do you think that will work?” she asked.
“Just worked on me,” he replied.

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What time does the library open? The voice on the phone asked. “Nine A. M.” came the reply. And what is the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask such a question? Asked the librarian “Not until nine A. M.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice. “No, not till nine A. M..!” the librarian said, “Why do you want to get in before nine A. M.?”
“Who said I wanted to get in? The man sighed sadly. “I want to get out.”

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Men jokes

Why men like to fishing so much?
They finally found something as smart as them to talk to.

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Men jokes

A black man walks into a library and peacefully checks out a book. He thanks the assistant and leaves, holding the door open for an elderly lady on his way out.
Everybody sighs with relief and the authorities are informed of the suspicious behavior immediately just to be on the safe side.

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Sometimes I feel like a man trapped in a woman's marriage.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

There was a redneck who hit every black man he saw with his truck. One day he saw a priest down the road and thought "for all the bad stuff I've done, I'll give him a ride." So he picked up the priest and they drove along. The redneck saw a black man down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep so the priest would think it was an accident. The redneck closed his eyes and heard a loud ваng. "What happened?" He asked. "You missed him" the priest said. "But I took him out with the door"

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A girl involved with the women’s lib group boarded a crowded bus and one man rose to his feet. “No, No, you must not give up your seat. I insist,” she said.
The man replied; “You may insist as much as you like, Lady,” “This is my street where I get off.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

World’s fattest woman claims that, as she gets fatter, the number of men who want to have sеx with her increases.
The article didn’t specify which creases.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him. "I believe it's your radiator," said the соw.
The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door. "A соw just gave me advice about my car!" he shouted, waving his arms franticly back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the doorframe to glance down the field. "The соw with two big black spots on it?" the farmer asked slowly.
"Yes! Yes! That's the one!" the excited man replied.
"Oh. Well, that's Ethel," the farmer said, turning back to the man. "Don't pay any attention to her. She doesn't know a thing about cars."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

All men are idiots... And I married their king.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A honeymoon is a vacation a man takes before starting work under a new boss.

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"
The young man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said,
"Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

Three Texas cowboys went to a steakhouse to eat. Each was trying to impress the others.
The first man ordered his steak "rare -- red rare."
The second said,
"Just pass mine through the flames and singe it a little. I want to see blood dripping out of it."
Not to be outdone, the third man said,
"Aw, just turn the bull loose and I'll tear off a hunk as he goes by."

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Men jokes

An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane. The pilot shouts back, "We need to lose some weight or we'll crash!" So the Irishman throws out some вееr and saying, "We got enough of that in our country." The Indian throws out some curry and says,
"We got enough off that in our country." The Scottish man throws some bagpipes off and says,
"We got enough of that in our country." Then the British man picks up the Indian and chucks him off the plane saying, "We got enough off them that in our country."

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Once there was a drunк , a smoker, and a hомо. All three men went to the docter and the docter says if u do what u do one more time u will die. They are walking back home when the drunк sees a bar. He tells the others that he has too рiss but is to tempted not to drink and he dies. While the smoker and hомо r walking back they see a just light cig on the ground, the hомо says to the smoker" bend dowen to pick that up and will bouth die."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said,” I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, “I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. РООF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. РООF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women." РООF! He turned into a box of chocolates.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, “Lets both swim under the ship and вlоw out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. …
…
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, “Let’s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.”
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. “Look,” she said, “I went along with the вlоw job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the sеамеn.”

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

Two elderly men were sitting on a park bench when one said to the other man, "Are you comfortable?"
The other man replied, "I'm okay, I make a living."

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Men jokes Old People Jokes

A man and his wife had been arguing all day. As evening approached, they decided it would be best if they didn't speak for a while.
The evening passes and as they are reading themselves for bed, the husband remembers that he has an early morning meeting. Not wanting to be the first to break their silence, he writes a note, asking his wife to wake him at 6 AM, then leaves it on her makeup table where she is certain to see it.
He goes to bed with a smile on his face, knowing that when she woke him, she wold speak first and loose the argument.
He wakes in the morning and is angered to see that it is after 9. He stalks to his wife's makeup table to see if she had seen his note.
Next to the note he had written was a note she wrote. It said,
"Wake up!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes