Men jokes - Page 245

Man one: Look at the lion tracks.
Man two: You can't fool me, lions don't run on tracks... trains run on tracks.

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Men jokes

The following conversation took place between 2 Irish men who decided to swap parters after a night of drinking.
Conor “That was a great idea swapping partners last night Раddy!”
Paddy “Yeah to be sure.. I wonder how the girls got on!”

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A woman was walking in a graveyard when she saw a man kneeling by a grave shouting "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE???" Feeling sorry for the man she put her hand on his arm and said "Is that your wife your grieving for?" To which the man replied, "No it’s my wife's ex husband"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

An old couple is sitting in their living room when the old woman leans over and says to the old man, "Remember when we were younger and you used to hold my hand?" The old man grabs the old woman's hand. Then she says,
"Remember when we were younger and you used to put your arm around me?" The old man puts his arm around the old woman. Then she says,
"Remember when we were younger and you used to nibble on my ear?" To the old woman's surprise, the old man gets up off the couch and starts to walk away. "Honey, where are
You going?" she says. The old man replies,
"I'm going to get my dentures."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes

Two women were talking at a party, and one said, “Look at that awful-looking man over there… isn’t he hideous? I think he must be the most unattractive man I’ve ever seen in my life!”
“That happens to be my husband!” said the second icily.
“Oh dear,” said the first, covered in confusion, “I’m so sorry.”
To which the unfortunate wife replied, “You’re sorry…?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

Wanking.
The male cure for insomnia.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

BBC SPORT: Kilmarnock interested in Belgian defender Mark de Man.
Apparently, they are also interested in his compatriots, striker Skor de Gaulle and goalkeeper Bloek de Schott.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

Mable and Faye are sitting in their retirement home discussing the little old men who lived there.
Mable says, “I sure am lonely since my husband died…I wish I had a boyfriend, but am not sure how to catch the attention of the geezers around here”.
Faye says, “These gentlemen are lonely also, and many haven’t had any romance in their lives for decades. I bet if they thought they could get a kiss you’d have their attention”.
So Mable starts walking the halls, and comes to the first room and knocks. A little old man answers, and she says “I’m offering up super kisses, you interested?” but he replies, “No thanks” and shuts the door.
She doesn't get discouraged, and heads to the next room. “I’m offering up super kisses, you interested?” but again, this man is not interested. This continues for several attempts, and when she finally gets to the room at the end of the hall again she knocks. A little old man answers the door.
“I’m offering up super kisses, you interested?” she asks. He replies, “I don’t want a kiss, but I’ll take the soup”.

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Men jokes Old People Jokes

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A man was the first to arrive at work one morning. The phone rang and he answered. When the caller asked for some specific information, the man explained that it was before normal business hours but that he would help if he could.
"What's your job there?" the caller asked.
The man replied, "I'm the company president."
There was a pause. Then the caller said,
"I'll call back later. I need to talk to someone who knows something about what's going on."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Business jokes

Three men: one American, one Russian and one Antartian where discussing which country had the best space program. The Russian said,
"Well that's easy, guys. It was us as we launched the first man into space and no one can beat that." The American disagreed and stated, "No, mate, the Americans have the best space program, as we walked on the moon first. No one can possibly
Beat that." But the Antartian spoke up, "No guys, you're both wrong. The Antartians are going to have the best space program as we are going to put the first man on the sun!" Both the American and Russian where in fits of laughter after hearing this and asked how this was possible without burning up? The Antartian simply replied, "Well, we have this fool proof plan; we're going during the night!"

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Men jokes

Q:What is the similarity between vampires and a smart Mexican man?
They both don't exist!

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A man never knows when it’s a good time to fаrт in front of a woman.
Recently, I’ve scratched “being followed up a ladder” off the list.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Dating Jokes

A retired couple are discussing all aspects of their future. The man asked the woman, "What will you do if die?"
After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.
Then she inquired, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes Single People Jokes

A 13 year old was watching a movie on cable TV. A man ripped off a woman’s blouse and said, “I want what I want when I want it!”
The boy, turned on by the scene and the lоvемакing which followed, finished watching the movie, and decided to try what he had just witnessed on the 13 year old girl next door, a classmate.
He went over to her house, found that her parents weren’t home from work yet and ripped off her blouse. Then said, “I want what I want when I want it !”
The girl stared at him and coolly replied…. “You’ll get what I got when I get it!”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Man - “So do you want to go out maybe?”
Woman - “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”

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Jokes about Women Insult Jokes Men jokes

3 reasons why women undress themselves in front of men.
1. She really wants your D.
2. You’re in row Z of the friend zone.
3. She hasn’t seen you hiding in the tree.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A man tells his friend, Las Vegas is loaded with all kinds of gambling devices.
“Dice tables, slot machines, and wedding chapels.”

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A man and his wife are talking:
Man - "What would happen if I were to win the lottery?"
Woman - "I would take half and leave you in a heartbeat!"
Man - "I won twelve dollars, here's six now get out!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

The widow requested that her husband's grave be dug 20 feet deep.
"Deep down he was a good man," she explained.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes