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Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. ….
….
He replied,”Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again.”
Trump 20:16
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Men jokes Political Jokes
Три приятелки си говорели за мъжете им. 100 Nonnen im Kloster The nuns Приятелки си говорят. Първата: Drei Sekretärinnen unterhalten sich darüber, welche Streiche sie so ihrem Chef bisher gespielt haben. Die erste: "Meinem Chef habe ich mal alle Schubladen seines Schreibtisches zugeklebt, so daß er nicht mehr an seine Unterlagen herankam." Die zweite: "Also, ich habe in einer Schublade im... LLega una monjita a la oficina de la M.S. y le muestra una condon. Toda indignada, manda a llamar a todas las otras monjas al patio del convento, a las que les dice: - Hermanas, mirad lo que se ha encontrado debajo de un olivo en el huerto. Al tiempo que se oye un OOOOOOH! entre las presentes y... Tres monjas se encontraban conversando. La primera monja empezó: - Les cuento que estaba limpiando la habitación del obispo el otro día, ¿y saben lo que encontré? Un montón de revistas para adultos.” -¿Y qué hiciste?- le preguntaron las otras. - Obvio, las arrojé de inmediato a la... Tre nunnor diskuterade. Den första nunnan sa, "Jag städade abbotens rum igår och vet ni vad jag fann? En hög med pornografiska tidningar!" "Vad gjorde du?" frågade de andra nunnorna. "Tja, jag... Abboten i klostret var illa omtyckt av nunnorna. En dag höll tre nunnor på att städa hans kontor. - Ni får inte säga något, sa den första nunnan, men jag har gjort hyss för abboten, fniss, jag har... Nunnorna på det lokala klostret hade sin dagliga sammankomst. Abbedissan vankade av och an framför de hundra nunnorna med en sällsynt bister min, - Det har begåtts ett syndfullt dåd här! Nittionio... A madre superiora convoca as cem freiras do convento para uma reunião importante. Com a cara fechada, ela diz: — Ontem foi cometido um pecado capital aqui no convento! 99 freiras: — Oh, não! Uma... Em uma conceituada faculdade de Medicina, quatro enfermeiras resolvem pregar trotes em um estudante novato. Depois das brincadeiras, elas se encontram pra contar o que fizeram: — Eu coloquei... Abbedissan har samlat alla sina nunnor för att ta upp en viktig sak. - Igår hittade jag en kondom i klostret! 99 nunnor: - Å nej!! 1 nunna: - He, he, he!! - Kondomen har varit använd! 99... Ça se passe dans un convent. La mère supérieur convoque toutes les nonnes afin de leurs parler. - Mes sœurs, c'est dramatique ! Cette nuit, un homme s'est infiltré dans le convent. Toutes les sœurs... Num convento moravam 100 freiras e uma madre superiora. Um dia a madre superiora reuniu todas as freiras no pátio e falou: MS: Minhas irmãs, esta noite um homem entrou neste convento! 99 freiras :... La madre superiore di un convento decide di riunire tutte le suore nell'atrio perche' la sera prima e' avvenuto un misfatto. Suora Madre: "Mie consorelle, ho deciso di riunirvi qui perche' ieri... Tre amiche si trovano in Centro per prendere il the e scambiare quattro chiacchiere. La prima dice: “Mio marito mi tradisce. Oramai ne sono sicura. Ho trovato un paio di mutandine di pizzo nella... In einem Kloster gab es 100 Nonnen. Die Obernonne rief eine Versammlung ein. Sie sprach: „Diese Nacht war ein Mann bei uns!“ 99 Nonnen: „NEIN!!?“ Eine Nonne: „HiHiHi“ Die Obernonne: „Und er hat mit... En dag samlade abbedissan alla 100 nunnorna i klostret och sa: - Nu har det hemska hänt, jag har hittat en kondom! 99 nunnor: - Flämt!!!!!!!!! 1 nunna: - Hihi!!!!!!!!!! - Och den är använd!... Siostra zakonna zwołała zebranie sióstr z jej zakonu. I mówi: - wczoraj w naszym zakonie był mężczyzna! Zakonnice na to: - uuuuuuuuuuuuu... A tylko jedna - hihihi!!! Siostra mówi znów: - znalazłam... 3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh... La suora Madre: - Abbiamo trovato un un paio di mutande da uomo! Le suore: - OoooHhhh! La suora Madre: - C'era anche un profilattico! Le suore: - OoooHhhh! la suora in fondo: - Hihihihihihi!'... In het klooster zijn er 101 nonnen en 1 pater. De pater roept alle nonnen bij elkaar, en zegt: "Er is een condoom gevonden!" 100 nonnen: "O nee!" 1 non: "Hihihih!" De pater vervolgt: "We hebben de... Rozmawiają trzy zakonnice. Pierwsza mówi: - Któregoś dnia sprzątałam na plebanii i wiecie, co znalazłam? Stos gazet pornograficznych! - I co zrobiłaś? - pytają pozostałe. - Oczywiście wyrzuciłam je... Matka představená si svolá sestry: „Sestry, stala se vážná věc, v klášteře byl nalezen prezervativ.” „Oooh!” ozve se mezi sestrami, jen jeden hlas: „Chi chi chi!” „Sestry,” pokračuje matka... Üç rahibe bir araya gelmiş pederi çekiştiriyorlarmış. Birinci rahibe: - Geçen gün pederin odasına temizlik için girdim, dolabını temizlerken bir de ne göreyim, bir sürü porno dergi. Hepsini sobaya... En dag kallade prästen in alla de 100 nunnorna i klostret: - Jag har hittat en kondom i klostret, sa prästen. 99 nunnor: - Ånej!! 1 nunna: - HiHiHi... - Den var använd, sa prästen. 99 nunnor: -... In un convento la suora madre convoca tutte le suore e dice: "Sono state trovate delle mutande da uomo nel convento" E tutte le suore: "Ohhhh" Ed una suora in fondo: "Hiihihih" E ancora la suora... C’est trois femmes en train de prendre le thé un après-midi. La première dit : - Mon mari me trompe, j’en suis sure maintenant. J’ai retrouvé une paire de bas dans la poche de sa veste, et ce... Er was is een hoofd non die had iets geweldig te vertellen ze zij tegen de andere 100 nonnen : "Ik heb een condoom gevonden" 99 nonnen zeggen: "Oooooooooooooo.... O" 1 non zegt:hihihihihihi!!!!!dan...
The nuns at the local convent had their daily announcement session. The mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her face. She began to speak…
Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here yesterday.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men’s underwear.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And I also found a соndом.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And it has been used!
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!
1 nun: Oh, No!
99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!…
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Religion jokes Men jokes
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
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Men jokes
One time a man walks into a bar. So later he is very drunк when this мidgет walks in. The drunк man goes and buys some mushrooms from the store and comes back. Then he goes up to the мidgет, throws the mushrooms on the мidgет, and yells "Grow Mario grow!"
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Men jokes
An Eskimo man awoke one day with the urge to go hunting for seal. After he had prepared his gear for his journey, he set out over the frozen ice to his favorite hunting spot.
About halfway there, his snowmobile started to run badly and make grinding noises. So the hunter decided to turn around and head back to his village. And, in fact, just as he pulled up to the local mechanic, his snowmobile died.
He went inside and spoke with the mechanic, who agreed to take a look and see what the problem was. The mechanic followed the Eskimo outside to the snowmobile, raised the hood and began to examine the engine.
After a few minutes, the mechanic looked up at the hunter and said, “I think that you've blown a seal.” No,” answered the hunter, “those are just icicles on my mustache.”
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Dirty jokes Men jokes
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersex..”
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersex.”
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take the soup.”
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Men jokes Old People Jokes
One day the son of the big chief comes to the Medicine man and says "Big Chief no fаrт!"
So the Medicine man says give him one pill every 5 hours and come back to me in a week.
The son comes back and says "Big Chief no fаrт!"
So the Medicine man says "give him 2 pills every 3 hours come back to me tomorrow!"
So the son comes back the next day and says” big chief no fаrт!"
The Medicine man says "Really! Give him one bag of pills every hour come back to me tomorrow!!"
The son comes back the next day and exclaims,” Big Fаrт................. No Chief!"
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Men jokes
A guy is walking when suddenly falls and injures his hand. on his way to the hospital, he sees this huge ad on a new machine,the ad claimed that the machine is able to diagnose any disease and write treatment plans for it only by taking urinе sample. the man walks to the machine puts a penny in it and then gives the sample. after a few beeps, a note comes out "your hand's tendon is injured, don't put it under any stress and exercise". the man was amazed and decides to mess with the machine, so when he reaches home, he takes a bottle, then pours some water in it, then makes his dog urinate in it, and then sees his daughter's chewed gum on floor so puts it on the bottle also, and finally to sum it up, masturbates in the bottle. then heads towards the machine and gives the sample to the machine. after 10 minutes of strange noises and sounds that machine made, a note comes out "your water pipe will clog soon, be sure to fix it. your dog will die in 2 weeks, be prepared for it. your daughter is pregnant, go beat the boy living upstairs. and if u keep маsтurватing like this, your injured tendon won't heal!"
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Men jokes
Men at 26 plays football,
Men at 40 plays tennis,
Men at 60 plays golf,
Have you noticed every time you get older
Your ball gets smaller
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Men jokes
Apparently the female spider devours the male minutes after mating. It takes female humans years to do that.
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes
A man boarded a train and said to the conductor, “I’m a heavy sleeper.
Please be sure to wake me at 2:00 a. M. so that I can get off in Atlanta. Whatever I say, get me up. I have an extremely important business there!” The next morning the man woke up in Richmond. He found the conductor and shouted, “Do you know how angry I am?” “Probably about as angry as the man I had get off in Atlanta,” replied the conductor
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Men jokes
The Lone Ranger and Тоnто were riding across the desert when a line of mounted Indians appeared to the right of them. They looked to the left and saw another line of mounted Indians. Behind them they saw another line of mounted Indians.
The Lone Ranger said,
"Looks like we're in trouble, Тоnто."
Tonto replied, "What do you mean WE, white man?"
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Men jokes
Ladies, if a guy ever tells you he wants to cover you from head to toe in honey and liск it off inch by inch, that's a man who's never done it before.
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Dirty jokes Men jokes
There was a man who couldn't talk properly and had a few issues in his head. One day he decided to go and by a bun for his lunch so he went to the bakery and said "I need a вuм, a вuм for lunch." so he got a bun and went to a hardware store to get a bucket "I need a f*cket, a f*cket to hold some water." The man then decide to go to the pet shop to by a cocker spaniel dog he said "i want a cocknstrokeit, a cocknstrokeit dog." As he was messed in the head he decided not to give it a name. When he was walking home with his cocknstrokeit, his f*cket and his вuм, his dog ran away and he said to the guy next to him, "Hold my вuм and f*cket, while i grab my cocknstrokeit.
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Dirty jokes Men jokes
Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:
“I think everyone’s asleep, let’s go.”
“This one’s empty … no-ones looking… you go in first.”
“It’s a bit cramped - let me sit down!”
“Have you got the соndом? Quick - put it on.”
Sniff, sniff ,”Ah perfume - you think of everything!”
“This is great…..” (long sigh!)
Static on the loud speaker, then a new voice:
“This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you’re doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now put those cigarettes out and take the соndом off the smoke detector.”
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Jokes about Women Men jokes
Women say they like tall men.
But I’m probably at least 6’4 in these stilettos and not a single girl in this bar has approached me yet.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Single People Jokes
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Неll’s Angels bikers walked in. …
The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie, and then he took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man’s milk, and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?” The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver, either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles…”
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Men jokes Old People Jokes
A man goes to the toilet. Another man rushes into the same cubicle sits on the guys knee and starts crapping everywhere.
The guy looks and sees the guy sat on the toilet and says:
"Oh I am ever so sorry about that I didn't see you."
The guy sat on the toilet says:
"Don't worry. I pulled your trousers up before you could сrар on me."
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Dirty jokes Men jokes
A woman was doing the laundry in the apartment buildings basement.
She had just finished washing and drying one load and was getting ready to start another load when she decided to wash the nightgown she was wearing.
She took it off and placed it in the washer. Now she is nакеd and preparing to take the freshly cleaned clothes upstairs when she noticed her son’s football helmet lying on the shelf. She grabbed the helmet, placed it on her head, picked up the clean clothes, and turned around.
There stood the Maintenance man who quickly said, “I don’t know which team you are playing for ma’am but I sure hope you win”.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes
My girlfriend said to me this morning, “Man U were shiт last night.”
I left the room in tears; 4 minutes is a personal best for me.
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Men jokes Masturbation jokes
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