Men jokes - Page 258

How do men exercise at the beach?
Every time they see a bikini they suск their belly in

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A man was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made for a wonderful reading. After the man read it, he turned to the agent and asked,
"Have I got all that it says here?"
The agent said,
"You most certainly have... why do you ask?"
The man replied, "Cancel the sale, this house is too good to part with!"

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Men jokes

Some men think that they can convert gаy women, make them straight. I couldn't do that. I could make a straight woman gаy, though. I got that going for me.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Dear Gillette,
Are you really the best a man can get, or are you just saying that because it rhymes?
Regards,
Rick - the man with the world’s biggest diск.

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Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A truck driver was sitting down in a small roadside diner, minding his own business, and having a plate of spaghetti and a вееr. Before long, about 30 of the nastiest, meanest looking bikers come roaring in to the parking lot and boisterously enter the diner -- taking over the tiny place. The macho leader notices the trucker in the corner and goes over to "mark the territory." He starts giving the trucker hard time, but the trucker is not to be provoked. Soon the leader is frustrated by the trucker's lack of response and he dumps the trucker's spaghetti plate right on his head. The trucker is covered with noodles and sauce is dripping down his face. He tells the leader he doesn't want any trouble and cleans away the mess with a towel provided by the proprietor. The leader is not done with his provocation -- he tells the trucker he's a lily-livered sissy and dumps the trucker's вееr right in his lap. The trucker shoots to his feet -- the room is silent. The bikers think they're finally gonna see some action -- but the trucker just saunters over to the cash register, settles the check and strides out the door. A minute or two pass and the leader decides to have the last word, "THAT GUY SURE ISN'T MUCH OF A MAN!" About 10 seconds of silence follow-- THE SILENCE IS SHATTERED BY THE SOUND OF MANGLED METAL AND THE WORDS OF THE DINER PROPRIETOR..."AND HE SURE ISN'T MUCH OF A DRIVER EITHER. LOOKS LIKE HE JUST RAN OVER MOST OF THOSE HARLEYS IN THE PARKING LOT!"

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Men jokes

One day a man went to a pet store and bought a hundred-legged worm. The sales person told him about this worm. It was not a normal worm. This worm could do anything as a maid. When they were home, the man asked the worm to turn on the T. V. So the worm turned it on. Then he asked him to prepare him some coffee. So the worm did it. The man told him to go buy the newspaper. So the worm went out of the house to buy the newspaper. An hour passed and still the worm didn't come. Another hour passed and the worm had still not come back. So finally the man stood up and opened the front door.
"So, there you are," the man said looking at the worm, "have you bought the newspaper?"
"Sorry, sir," answered the worm, "I haven't finished putting on my shoes."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”
“Don’t worry.” said the Auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

There are two flies on the ceiling. One fly says to the other fly, "Don't look now, but your man's open!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

I was checking out at Tesco today when I noticed the man in front of me put one item on the conveyor belt… a box of condoms. Not only did he notice me staring, but decided to make super uncomfortable eye contact.
So, to lighten the mood I put my bottle of ketchup down and said, “Looks like we’ve both bought something to put on our sausages!”

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Men jokes

Mad men are given a test to check their mental state. The instructor draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out.
They start rushing to the door but one remains sitting. The instructor goes to him and asks; “why didn’t you join the others?” He replies,
"Let them fight they forgot I have the keys"

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Men jokes

6 gаy men in a tub, and a huge bit of sреrм rises to the surface. and one say, alright who farted?

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

I would never pick up a male hitch-hiker; I just couldn’t trust him.
I would never pick up a female either; I just couldn’t trust myself.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Criminal Jokes

T his man went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one.
While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?”
The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, “You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?”
“Well, I’ve got a hard on, but I didn’t think you could smell it,” the guy replied.

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Men jokes Dating Jokes

How does an archeologist tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton?
He knows it’s a female skeleton if the jawbone is worn down.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

Apparently if you find a mother who’s a virgin and you give her baby small pieces of metal and perfume this makes you a ‘wise man’.

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Religion jokes Men jokes

Gillette. The best a man can get.
There’s me thinking it was two hookers, some Jack Daniels and a bag of coke but no, you’re right.
Slicing my face with your over-priced blades can’t be equaled.

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Men jokes

Man: My f*ckbuddy says I'm gаy. I don't know what his problem is.

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

A women’s lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, “Where would man be today if it were not for woman?”
She paused a moment and looked around the room. “I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?”
From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met?
Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don’t know makes a touchdown.

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Men jokes

One day there was this man that stopped at a house because it was night, so he rang the doorbell. A lady answered, but she was all pink! So she said,
"Come on in", so he did. There were pink steps, pink wallpaper, pink toilets, pink everything. Later that night, another man came to the door, because it was dark and everything she let him in. Now he saw everything was pink. Finally, a third man came to the door, and again, since it was dark outside she let him in. Now he saw that everything was pink. The next morning, she woke the three men up and invited them to breakfast. So she had 2 kinds of cereal. Corn Flakes, and Cocoa puffs. The first man chose Corn Flaked, the next man chose Cocoa Puffs, and the last man chose Corn Flakes. So the moral of this story is 2 out of 3 prefer Corn Flakes over Cocoa Puffs!!!

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Men jokes