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One day, a man on a golf course, was having a really lousy game. Just as he was about to hit the ball, he heard a voice behind him. "Ribbit 9 iron, ribbit 9 iron." He turned around and there was a frog on the green. "OK frog, we'll just see how much you know," said the man. He used the 9 iron and hit a hole in one. The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think, frog?"
"Ribbit 3 wood, ribbit 3 wood." After golfing the most amazing game of his life, the man takes the frog to the casino. "What do you think frog?"
"Ribbit black 21, ribbit black 21." After winning around 40,000 dollars, the man takes the frog up to his hotel room and sits it on the bed. "OK frog, you've done so much for me, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Ribbit kiss me, ribbit kiss me." So, the man leaned over and kissed the frog. It turned into a beautiful woman named Monica.
"And that, your honor, is how she got into my room, or my name isn't William Jefferson Clinton!"
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There’s this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. “Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate”.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says “Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a Monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part”.
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads…..
“Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour the tin of treacle over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your аss and go as a fсuкing toffee apple, you c*nt.”
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Men jokes
Three Antartians were going on a hunting trip one day. They came to a high fence and saw a sign that said,
"No Trespassing. All violators will be shot!" They ignored the sign's warning and climbed the fence anyway. After they were over the fence (it was dark now), they saw a car's headlights speeding toward them. They remembered the sign's warning and scrambled up separate trees. The driver, who was a farmer, said,
"I know I saw someone climb one of these trees." He went to the first tree and yelled, "Who's up there?" The first man was very silent and the farmer moved to the next tree. Again he yelled, "Who's up there?" The second man knew that the farmer would take a closer look this time, so he said,
"Whooo Whooo [like an owl]." The farmer then went to the last tree thinking he could have made a mistake and did not see anyone. The farmer looked up in the next tree and said,
"Who's up there?" The third man then said confidently, "Mooooooooooooooo."
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Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained the trial to him. “You have to shove the fruits up your вuтт without any expression on your face or you’ll be eaten.”
The first apple went in… but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8… and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?”
The second one replied, “I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”
Men jokes
Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"
Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"
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