Money jokes - Page 60

Two women are standing in line to pay their bill at a restaurant. As soon as it's their turn, they hand the young waitress a credit card.
After swiping the card, she loudly called out to her manager, "Mr. Andrews, what do I do if it says 'rejected'?"
As the women's faces reddened and customers turned to look, Mr. Andrews walked out from the kitchen.
"Well," he answered, wiping his hands, "the first thing you DON'T do is shout it out loud enough to embarrass the customer, who might have been thinking of leaving you a tip."

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Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

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Money jokes

I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was making more money in college while working for my parents as their daughter.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

How a man withdraws cash from the ATM:
1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN
5) Take money
6) Drive away.
- -----
How a woman withdraws cash from the ATM:
1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7) Insert card
Hit cancel
9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10) Insert card
11) Enter PIN
12) Take cash
13) Go to car
14) Check makeup
15) Start car
16) Stop car
17) Run back to ATM
18) Take ATM card
19) Back 2 car
20) Check makeup
21) Start car
22) Check makeup
23) Drive for a mile
24)Release HAND BRAKE

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes

My ex-wife goes bowling with the money I send her each month.
I guess that's why they call it alley money.

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Money jokes

It's great to finally be 16 ... jobs ... cars ... and blowing your money on Girlfriends.

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Money jokes

I can remember the days when I could go out with a few quid in my pocket, buy 20 cigs, have half a dozen pints and still have money left for fish and сhiрs on the way home.
But, that all stopped when I got fсuкing married.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

How does a mexican and black guy make money without selling сrаск? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW...........

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Money jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

I’ve just lost the money for my wife’s epilepsy prescription in the bookies.
She’ll have a fit when she finds out.

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Money jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I had a chance to go to Tokyo a couple months ago... but all my friends were bugging me. They're like, 'What're you gonna buy? What're you gonna buy?' I don't know -- candy? It's all I can afford.

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Money jokes Friendship Jokes

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sicklyfather died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said as he walked up to her, “but in just a week or two my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes

Calhoun is a crafty black lawyer and his client, Leroy, was caught - In flagrante delicto by two policemen - shаgging a 17-year-old girl.
To save the county time and money, the prosecuting attorney agrees to bargain down to a lesser charge of “Indecent Exposure.”
The case takes an unusual turn when Calhoun addresses the judge… “Yo honnuh, there be a problem here. Muh client iz charged with ‘Indecent Exposure,’ but if mah client had been ‘in decent,’ how could he have been exposed?”
“Case dismissed,” gulped the judge.

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Money jokes Police Officer Jokes Lawyer Jokes

In order to start my deer breeding business I'm going to need at least 5,000 bucks. *slaps deer with money*

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

You know your credit messed up when you get turned down for a pre-paid phone.

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Money jokes

A woman's favorite position is CEO.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

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Money jokes

A burglar enters a house in the middle of the night. He was interrupted when the owner awoke. Drawing hi gun, the burglar said, “Don’t move or I’ll shoot. I’m hunting for your money.” “Let me turn on the light,” replied the victim, “and I’ll hunt with you”

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Money jokes

You don't work - you don't have money to live, you work - there's no time to live.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Life Jokes

“The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with the money bags,” a defense lawyer confided to a suspect. “That’s nothing, said the suspect. “I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn’t see me running from the bank.”

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Money jokes Lawyer Jokes

Two classmates were chatting in their lunch break...
"I know how to get money real quick" says one,” how?"
"Go to your dad and say, "I know the truth" and he'll give you money"
So the young boy went home and said "dad, I know the truth" and
His dad gave him ten dollars and told him not to tell anyone 'the truth'.
He then went to his mother, " Mom, I know the truth” he said.
"Please don't tell your dad" she said and gave him twenty dollars.
Content with thirty dollars he went outside to go to the arcade and saw the milkman. "I know the truth,” he shouted out.
The milkman replied "Well come and hug your real father then"

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Money jokes Dad Jokes