A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying, “It is impossible for your generation to understand my generation. You grew up in a different world. Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers…”Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the geezer said, “You are right. We didn’t have those things when we were young; so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation?” 0 0 0
They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks! I only have one thing to say about that nonsense!I completely.... Completely... Er... Ah... Just a minute... Wait I have it now. Old dogs never miss a trick and don't you forget it! 0 0 0
Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the darndest thing... it was the darndest thing," she kept repeating dazedly."What was the darndest thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers."I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath and all I did was pull the plug and the whole house suddenly drained away." 0 0 0
Grandma left the stove on and the pan was burnt. I asked her if she had a timer she can use, as to not forget in the future"NO! Don't you dare go there! I don't have that," she said, shaking her fist at me."No, no, Grandma, I said 'A timer'!" 0 0 0
"I think grandpa mistook his smart phone for an empty glass of wine.""Why do you say that?""He just threw it in the fireplace." 0 0 0
An older couple were making their funeral arrangements. The cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. "You will have a beautiful view of the swan pond," he assured them.The husband didn't buy it, he replied, "Unless you will be including a periscope with my casket, I do not think I will enjoy it." 0 0 0
The head nurse was nearing retirement, she had seen just about everything come through the hospital’s labor and delivery unit and always remained calm and unruffled.An eighteen-year-old in labor was having a lot of pain, writhing on the bed, fighting her contractions, swearing, and refusing to consider epidural analgesia.Streams of obscenities erupted from her room and the girl yelled F*** right into the nurse’s face.With absolute calm, the nurse patted the girl’s arm and said,“You’ve already done that part. Now it’s time to have the baby.” 0 0 0
(Grandpa) No one seems to know the value of a dollar these days!(Grandson) That’s easy Grandpa, just look at the dollar menu. 0 0 0
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you’re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now. 0 0 0
This new technology is for the birds! I sure do miss those good old reliable manual typewriters that didn’t make nearly as many typing mistakes! 0 0 0
Търговски пътник прави реклама на прахосмукачка: Седи си една жена у дома е на вратата се чука. Βιάστηκε... Пътуващ продавач на прахосмукачки позвънил на вратата на първата къща в новата си територия. Отворила му жена, но преди да успее да каже нещо, той се втурнал вътре и изсипал купчина конска тор на килима. A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the First house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Geht ein Staubsaugervertreter auf den Bauernhof. Er schüttet einen Sack Staub aus und sagt: "Alles was mein Staubsauger nicht aufsaugt, esse ich. Daraufhin die Bäuerin: "Ich hole Ihnen einen Löffel, wir haben nämlich gerade keinen Strom." En ung dammsugarförsäljare var ute på säljresa i obygden. Han kom fram till ett gammalt torp, knackade på och blev insläppt av en gammal kvinna. Försäljaren hällde ut en påse med damm på golvet och... Uma dona de casa, num vilarejo, ao atender as palmas em sua porta... — Ô de casa, tô entrando! Ela se depara com um homem que vai entrando em sua casa e joga esterco de cavalo em seu tapete da... Do mieszkania Kowalskiej wtargnął akwizytor sprzedający odkurzacze. Rzucił na dywan śmieci, papierki, resztki jedzenia i mówi: - Zjem każdą rzecz, której nie wciągnie ten rewelacyjny odkurzacz. -... A little old lady answered her doorbell and saw a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would... K Novákům přijde prodavač vysavačů. Na zem vysype spoustu odpadků a říká: „Všechno, co ten vysavač nevysaje, sním.” „Tak to vám přeji dobrou chuť, od včerejška nám nejde proud.” Egy porszívóügynök betolakodik egy házba, és a háziasszony minden tiltakozása ellenére nagy rakás száraz lócitromot szór a szoba közepére. A nő felháborodik: - Mit képzel? - Asszonyom, ígérem, amit... Er komt een vertegenwoordiger in stofzuigers langs bij een boerderij. Hij belt aan, de boerin doet open. De vertegenwoordiger begint te praten: 'Dag mevrouw, ik ben vertegenwoordiger van hele goede... Llaman a la puerta,y abren Vendedor:la apeteria la nueva aspiradora 3000? Dueño de la casa:mmm,no se... Vendedor:intente aspirar esa ****,si no lo consigue me la como Dueño de la casa:pues espero q... Un promotore di una certa firma va in giro a cercar di vendere il nuovo prodotto... Un aspirapolvere miracoloso. Arriva davanti ad una casa, bussa alla porta e gli apre una vecchietta; il promotore... Dolazi prodavač usisavača kod babe na vrata, - "Evo imamo nove...." - "Nemam ja novaca za to sinko!" - "Ma molim Vas samo mala demonstracija." Uđe on i iz vreće istrese hrpu smeća babi na tepih. -... To get a massive and immediate attention from a buyer, the Vacuum Cleaner salesman opens a bag of horse manure and spreads it all over the carpet. Then he says to the possible buyer with... A little old lady answered a knock on the door to be greeted by a vacuum cleaner salesman.‘fuск off im busy she said’ closing the door! ‘wait’ he says holding the door open whilst tipping a bucket of horse shiт all over her hallway carpet,‘if this vacum cleaner doesnt remove every bit of this horse shiт madam i will gladly eat the what’s left!’Well’ she says ‘i hope ur fuскing hungry, because my electricity was cut off this morning! 0 0 0
Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the retirement home.She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can take me out to dinner tonight!"A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"Bessie thinks a minute and replies,"Close enough!" 0 0 0
Girl: My GrandFather Lived For 96 Years & He Never Used Glasses. Boy: Yeah I Know, Few People Drink Directly From Bottle. 0 0 0
Barcelona made an incredible 859 passes the other night.Liverpool could only manage that if they got Steven Gerrard out of retirement and put him on Mastermind. 0 0 0