Old People Jokes

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What fishing gear did you buy?

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At the age of 60, finally the four friends successfully managed to go together on a trip that they planned 40 years ago.

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I can't wait to retire so I can get up at 6 in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work

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For many years fred's secret sunday afternoon naps went undetected

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I was begging God to give me a hot body.
Great. Now I’m enjoying the hot flashes of menopause.

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I just got a job as a senior director in a nursing home.
I tell old people where to go.

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Did you hear about the Mexican man who went to the old people home to visit his grandpa?
See senior.

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What technology are old people better at using than young people?
Life support.

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What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus?
A stand up driver.

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Why can't old people print?
They can't Ctrl P

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How do old people stay in ouch with their deceased friends?
Through social mediums.
(Read this on Facebook. Take no credit, but I don't remember who said it.)

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What do old people with Alzheimer's often say?
I don't remember.

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A teacher asked me why my daughter's name was so weird...
She asked why I had spelled it like E. M. M. A instead of just Emma, and I said that it describes the phrase that I told people when I let them know my SO was pregnant,
"Everyone. Makes. Mistakes. Alright?"

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Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins?
I've been waiting for change for too long.

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Do old people wear boxers or briefs?
Depends.

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Why do a lot of old people move to Florida?
Because they hate liberal snowflakes.

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A new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is like old people nudiтy at the public swimming pool.
You don't want to see it but you still end up seeing it anyway.

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My grandfather, who served in Vietnam, asked me what sticks to young and old people alike:
Apparently nараlм wasn’t the answer.

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I don't know why old people drive so slowly..
If you're 85 you should be driving 85, you ain't got much time left!

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Old people kept poking me at weddings and saying "You are next"
So at funerals I do the same to them

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