Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

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How do you cover 12 holes with one hole? – Take a flute and shove it up your аss.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

So this morning I called the Crazy Custom Clay Ceramics Store to talk to my best friend. …
“I haven’t seen Dave this morning, let me check,” said the receptionist. …
She came back to the phone and said, “I checked with the boss. He said that yesterday he and Dave argued over the artwork on a customer’s clay sculptures and Dave no longer works for us …
He was fired last night.”

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Office and Work Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes

I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides.
I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I’m sure that must have been a record.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

It’s OK to kiss a nun , but, don’t get into a habit .

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Do you want to buy a broken barometer? No pressure..

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Sven walks into a Minneapolis pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. “Sorry, we don’t sell bottom deodorant” the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing. …
…
“But I alvays buy it here,”, Sven says. “I bought von last month”.
Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, ” I don’t know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time.”
“Shoure”, Sven replies. “I’ll bring it vit’ me tomorrah”
The next day, Sven walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. “This is just a normal deodorant”, the pharmacist tells Sven, “You use it under your arms”.
“No, it is not”, Sven answers,” it says so here: To apply, push up bottom.”

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

There was a handyman who had a dog called ‘Mace’ that thought he was part horse as he had the peculiar habit of eating grass… he was just as good, if not better than a lawnmower! …
…
Anyway, one day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass around where he was working and try as he might he couldn’t find it. As it was getting dark he gave up for the night. The next day when he went outside, he saw that Mace, his dog, had eaten all the grass around where he had been working, and his wrench was now in clear sight!
Going over to pick it up, he called the dog over to him, petted him and said, “A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me.”

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Office and Work Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Oh the Irony….
My predictive text doesn’t know how to spell Nostradamus.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I’ve just returned from outer space. I took a book to read while I was up there.
I couldn’t put it down.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I said to my mate down the pub, “I fear my daughter’s following in the tragic footsteps of Amy Winehouse”.
“Why?” He asked. “Do think she’s developing a drug habit?”
“No”, I said. “The little sluт keeps going back to black”

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

My mate went for a реnis еnlаrgемеnт yesterday.
Apparently it’s now a foot.
Worst plastic surgeon ever…

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I was walking along the pavement and there was this sign that said, “Pavement ahead closed. Please use other side.”
It made me cross.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Turns out I am a master of Tantric Maths.
I can stare at the page for hours and the answer never comes.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

“Tell me what you want,” I whispered as I slid my finger up and down her G string.
“I want my guitar back,” she said.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q. What did the Indian say when the herd of Buffalo ran over his boy?
A. Bison

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

The man who invented Chinese Whispers has died.
Pass it on.

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I bought a new book today called ‘X-ray vision for beginners.’
I’m having a look through it now.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. After noticing there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar, he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, “If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free вееr all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar $100. Do you want to give it a try?”
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, “Nah, no thanks. The steaks are too high!”

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Girl:
“Come Over”
Guy:
“I’m coming over”
Girl:
“We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over.”

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A good time to keep your mouth shut... is when you're in deep water!

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes