Jokes about Police Officers

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.
The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.
The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, “meow”, the cop says, “oh, its only a cat”
He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, “woof, woof”. The cop says, “its only a dog”.
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, “potato”

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What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater?
A plain clothes police dog!

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Police Officer Jokes

The cop said, ‘Pull over!’
I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’

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Police Officer Jokes

"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the sтrоке of two."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

I have an app on my phone that makes the sound of a police siren.
Comes in handy if there are long queues in KFC.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man is staggering home drunк late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman.
‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer.
‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man.
‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman.
‘My wife,’ replies the man.

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Aunt's Pay A young lady went to the dress shop where her aunt worked and picked up her aunt's pay.
On the way home she was robbed, so she called the police and said,
"I just lost my aunt's pay."
The desk sargeant said , "Ouyay, Unnyfay!"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding.
When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'.
The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'.
The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'.
The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'.
He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight.
The kid says 'What was that for, sir?'
The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish.
Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'

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Kids Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

A state trooper stopped at a little cafe for coffee. As he was getting ready to leave a patron of the cafe yelled out, "Go out and get 'em!" he said.
"I suppose everyone's going to get a ticket today?"
"I don't really give out many tickets," the cop said.
"Oh, come on," the man teased.
"You'd give your own mother a ticket."
"No, my mother never drove a car," said the trooper.
Then a grin spread over his face.
"But I did catch her jaywalking once," he said,
"And I issued her a warning.
But that's all."

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Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you....
Unless your name happens to be Bruce.

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Police Officer Jokes

A man walks into the sheriff's office....
"I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads:
'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.
"Rustling."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?"
The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed that."
The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said,
"To Memphis".
The cop said,
"I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis."
So the farmer promised he would.
Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again.
The cop said "I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis" and to this the farmer replied "I did and we had so much fun, I'm taking him to the circus."

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Police Officer Jokes

How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!

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Police Officer Jokes

Another Groaner Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop.
One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment.
The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.

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Police Officer Jokes

One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever -- since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones.
Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat.
So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some.
On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest.
In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion.
He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman.
"Officer," he said,
"What's going on?"
"You're under arrest," said the policeman.
"But why?" he asked.
The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a policehorse?
So she won't shiт on the street during a parade.

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Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Did you hear about the policeman who found a stolen car on Acacia Street?
He pushed it onto Park Street – he couldn’t spell Acacia.

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Police Officer Jokes

My wife and I have our little fights.
We had a fight last week.
Nothing much, only two police cars.

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Police Officer Jokes

This guy calls his wife at work and says,
"Don't worry, I'm fine and the damage is minimal."
She says,
"Oh my gosh, what happened?"
He says,
"I was coming back from lunch and a bird hit my car windshield."
"How much damage did it do?" she asked.
"Minimal, however I did get a ticket."
"A ticket how did you get that?"
"Well, I managed to reach the bird through the window and throw it behind me, however it hit the windshield of the car behind me.
It was a highway patrol car and the officer gave me a ticket."
"What for?" she asked,
"Damaging his windshield?"
"No, for flipping him the bird!"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

How many L. A. cops does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Six.
One to do it and 5 to smash the old bulb to smithereens.

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Police Officer Jokes